A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi well i just joined and i am seriously stuck, i have been with my fiance for 2 yrs in june and engaged for 9 months. i am 24 this year and my fiance has just turned 43, it is a huge age difference and when we first got together i had no problems with it but now all i can think about is the age differnce and my mind is starting to wonder and all i can think of is leaving him. i havnt spoken to him about it cos i do love him and i really dont want to hurt him but i also think that its better off he knows i have doubts b4 we get married cos i dont want to waste his time as he is older and much harder for him to find something else and of course i have no idea what to say.. can u help me please?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, jst an update : we have since spoken, and it was i nice calm talk, which was great, and he wants me to talk to my mum and dad(which are his friends aswell) to get an outsiders opinion, which im goin do tomorrow, but i really do think i have made up my mind and i will be ending it tomorrow night, which i know will be messy but as you said theres no easy way to do it, we are both pretty keen to keep intouch when this happens which puts my mind at ease but i know we wont be best of mates straight away.
so i will let you know again how things go .
thanks for support. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): I don't think it's entire. the age gap that has your concerned....I don't think you have really deep emotions or feelings for your bf thus, you are having doubts about the relationship. I haven't mentioned anything about him cheating on you or being a bad bf in general, so I guess it is safe to assume that he is a good guy. The choice is yours, I personally don't believe in using people or staying in a relationship with a person I don't really love or want to be with or have doubts about. It's best to move on...and YES, it will hurt like hell to leave for he will be hurt, but time heals most wounds. I hope you have learned your lesson young lady...think before getting into any relationship or you will come to regret it as you get older. Good men and woman are hard to come by...so if you leave just know that fact.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, i think in the long run before i make any decisions i really do need to talk to him.
And yes that is true if i really did love him the age gap wouldnt be any problem at all and at first it wasnt.But then i noticed things he was saying to me like he would say to his daughters like make sure u get a jacket you will get sick, or you better go feed the chickens before it gets dark(then keep reminding me every 5 minutes)like i am a big girl now i can make those decisions on my own..its just so frustraiting
Nearly everything he does bothers me now.
we are always snapping at each other and biccaring.
i have been feeling like this for months now, and i have been trying to think that its just a faze and it will go away but it jst gets worse.
im going to talk to my best friend this week. and hopefully we can sort it all out.. i know that in the end whether or not we end i know we are both going to hurt once i tell him whats on my mind. again thanks heaps, and i will keep you updated on my progress. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): There is nothing wrong with an age gap in itself, but your having doubts signals there is something underlying that is wrong with the relationship. So, make a list of all the good things about marrying this man and then another list about all the bad things about marrying hi. If you have been honest then you and only you will come up with what is really bothering you, then you will find the true answer to your question. As I feel you want to call an end to the relationship being honest with your him is the only option, do it in a pubic place as there is less likely of a big seen, tell him your concerned when you are forty or so he will be sixty and that bothers you and for that reason alone you cannot go on with the relationship. He will be hurt now, but marry him and you will be hurting even more later.
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female
reader, Aussiemum +, writes (23 May 2010):
Honest is always the best way to go, even if its a bitter pill to swallow (so to speak). This is an issue to you, so its really valid and necessary you tell him whats on your mind. Not only for yourself, but for him too. Breaking up is hard to do...there is no win situation for anyone, its really hard. Sooner rather than later. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): If you really loved him, age wouldn't matter. I am with someone older and the age doesn't even cross my mind.
You need to let him know asap about your feelings. It will be better you tell him now, then when you're married.
Good luck!
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 Two things. One, men have an easier time dating while older than women, so that shouldn't be something you worry about. Two, doubts are very normal before marriage. Before you talk to him, I suggest talking to someone who knows you both well (like your best friend) to find out what she thinks. In the end if you decide to break it off (it is a VERY large age gap) don't go in to breaking up with him with the hope that you won't hurt him. It's going to hurt both of you, but that's sort of the nature of breaking up.
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