A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi allI am in a bit of a quandry. I am 25 years old, and have recently got back into dating after a long spell of being in a LTR and then single getting over it. I have met a lovely man, someone who shares many many of my ideas, loves, hates and beliefs, and we get along like a house on fire. We have been out on three wonderful dates, and are in constant communication every day. There is one problem - he lives an hour away from me, which means that if we end up at either of our houses after a date, one or other has to drive home after - which at 2am, is not the best. So, the options are either, leave earlier (boo), stay late and deal with the long drive, or stay over. I think my question is, how soon into a relationship is it acceptable to sleep over (as in stay the night)? We have not had sex, we both agree that it is something to be kept for when we know each other better as it is a very special thing. Neither of us agree with casual sex.On our last date, I drove to see him, and joked that if I didnt leave now, then I would curl up on the sofa and go to sleep. He didnt seem at all phased about this, and said if i wanted to I could. I would have loved to stay over, but I didnt want to come across as pushy, and force it on him, neither do I want to be seen as a cheap tart. Any advice or ideas about this would be great :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your answers. I think next time this happens I am just going to be brave, and ask if I can stay over. I really like him, and I dont want him to think im a tramp.
Saying that though, its been over a week since our last date (3rd), and although we have been in contact daily, there has been no suggestion of meeting up again yet. I am just worried that I scared him off.
I dont want to come over as pushy, or clingy, but I really like this guy a lot. Should I be worried about this lack of interest? Or is it normal?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): normally I would say don't be coy and try to stay the night a bunch of times without being willing to get frisky with him. but the 1-hour drive kind of makes it an exception. I would just bring it up to him and explain it frankly. Just tell him that you wouldn't be trying to dangle yourself at him by staying at his place yet but it makes more sense in this case. As long as you're really staying on his couch and not in his bed in these times you're over all night, I think he should be fine about it.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (21 May 2009):
 Do you want to have sex with him? If you both want it then staying over shouldnt be a problem....just do it....if your getting on great then its always hard to leave them as you just want to spend more time with them, stay at his and see what happens.....it could be great!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): I like the fact that neither of you agree with casual sex. Staying the night though might complicate things if care is not taken. But since both of you know what you want, I think it shouldn’t be a problem, but you should all agree on what is going to happen. Like if he visit you, then you can suggest he stay the night when he’s about to leave… like “I think is too late for a long drive back, how about I prepare a room for you?” and see how it goes so that next time he can also invite you over to stay the night.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 May 2009):
I think you can stay as soon as you want but stay on the sofa.
After a few more dates and a bit more sexual stuff (remember you don't have to do full sex all in one go, you can always do some foreplay and then curl up together and go to sleep) you can sleep in his bed.
Curling up together will never make you seem like a cheap tart. It's only having sex that does that and this is hardly going to be your first date.
Next time you go I'd just "accidentally" fall asleep on him on the sofa and end up staying there because you are obviously too tired to drive.
Remember that driving tired is just as dangerous and driving drunk. You don't want to end up killing someone / yourself just to keep up appearances with your boyfriend.
Good Luck!! xx
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