A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:I am in an awkward situation at the moment. I have just met this lovely lady who is of a different ethic background to me, and she is already dropping hints about having a family one day. We have already had sex. But I made it clear to her before that that I didn't want kids.She sometimes says things like "You'd make a good father."And I just go quiet and then try to change the subject. She wants me to meet her mum and dad. I am worried that they are going to start forcing advice on us about how many kids to have.What should I do? I love this woman very much and she has such a nice nature. But I already told her before we had sex that I did not want kids.Is there any way I can explain to her that I'm not interested in having kids? Or should I reach a compromise and say that we can just have one kid?Or better still, should I say that the relationship will have to end if she continues with this course of action?I am thinking about reaching a compromise and having one child and one child only. But it's a difficult situation. Who is going to look after the child? Where is the money going to come from? What if we have a child but there is something wrong with him or her?Thanks for your time.
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female
reader, TEM  +, writes (6 February 2011):
 If you do not want children and she does, the truth is, you must break it off. This is not something you can compromise about. If you end up going along with her and having children even though your heart is not in it, over time you will grow to resent her.
There is no way you can explain to someone who wants to have kids, that you do not. They will think you really don't mean it, or that you are just scared. It already sounds as if she feels she, and her family, can change your mind. If you look to the future and you can't see her and your children in it, you must break it off.
I had to break up with my first serious boyfriend for this reason. He didn't want to have children and I did. I loved him, but I knew it was something we could not overcome. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. I have been happily married to a wonderful man for many years and we have two beautiful children. Had I married my first boyfriend, we would be divorced.
A
female
reader, Daisy93  +, writes (6 February 2011):
what if you have a child and theres something wrong with him or her? thats a horrible thing to say. im sure you'd love it just the same. in your eyes there should be nothing "wrong" with your child.
if you dont want kids, fair enough. sit her down and make sure she gets the message that you're serious
a compromise of one child is stupid. having a kid is a big deal, don't bring life into the world if you don;t want it.
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