A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes I feel like I have the lamest family ever! My parents live like stodgy 80-year-olds. Their idea of excitement is baking bread, listening to public radio, or going to church. People with piercings, alternate lifestyles and different religions frighten them. It's hard even to pick a movie we could watch together because they are easily offended. They seem to have a problem celebrating anything secular like New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day or Halloween. My sister lives with them and is turning into the same. She dresses in dowdy clothes and talks like an old person who's been out of touch with technology and pop culture for years. They have no Internet and so are not privy to all the developments in cyberspace nor the global exchange of ideas.At family gatherings, there's no real partying, boardgames or jokes. We have love without affection, if that makes any sense, and are somewhat cold with each other. No "chemistry". I feel bad complaining about this since a lot of families out there don't have the love or unity that we do. At the same time I find it so stifling to my personality. There's such a low tolerance for any non-traditional viewpoint. Why should having values mean limiting yourself to just the tiny, narrow segment of culture that your religion agrees with?I've tried taking them out to do things they normally wouldn't, like new movies or trendier restaurants, but it never goes over that well. If something is at all youthful, flashy, edgy or exciting, they're not interested. It's me versus everyone else's lameness and I'm outnumbered. I feel like every other family is way cooler and wonder why mine seems stuck in the 19th century! Does anyone else have this problem? How should I deal with it? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): Your parents are still married, raised two children, bought and maintained a home, and are happy. When you accomplish the above, maybe you'll have a different mindset on how to live life? The things you place value on are trends, not any mention of qualities like love, commitment, and respect. Your parents probably shake their head wondering when you are goint to grow up!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): Your in your 30s, so your parents lifestyle doesn't really affect you - I assume you have left home?
Leave them to their own devices, they are together and happy with life. If they wanted to change they would. Alot of people would welcome parents like this,not divorced,who aren't trying to be cool or to embarass them with trying to be 21 again. They represent a solid foundation and thats who bought you up, who taught you to be who you are in a way.
Now your different, you embrace your way of life which is your choice.
You dont have to deal with it, just accept and love them as they are.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 The best way to deal with people who are stuck in a different century is to accept that they are in a different century because they WANT to be there, just as you want to be where you are.
This honestly sounds more like it was written by a 17 year old.
Embrace their eccentricity as you expect them to accept yours. Love them despite their stone-age sensibilities, just as they love you despite your newfangled flashy ideas.
And find other people to share your love of all things youthful, flashy, edgy and exciting. There are plenty of other venues to allow your personality to 'breathe.'
I don't expect my mother to love all my choices in music, nor do I love all of hers. The same goes for clothes, and all the other external trappings of life. What we do share is a deep love for each other and that beats any superficial nonsense like 'she doesn't like my favorite new movie!'
If we were all the same, it would be a VERY boring planet on which to live. So live your life, create your own family in your own style and love yours for what they can give you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 March 2012):
 I think your family is cool. If they are happy the way they are why change things? They don't feel limited. They feel content, and they are enjoying the simple life and not being materialistic. The Jehovah Witness people don't even celebrate Valentine's Day or Halloween. I am incompatible with my family but every time I visit I cherish the little time I spend with them.
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