A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This may sound odd and might not make sense but im gonna give it my best shot. Basically is there anyway of truly finding out how a guy cares about you? I mean as a friend. I know they are strange creatures who deal with things differently but i've had a tough and weird time with someone. I wont go into it but i always liked him, i thought he felt the same and many friends of mine could see that too. Things happened which confused me and he said he didnt. I accepted that as confused as i was, i was still happy we were friends.heres the thing put all that aside. Many times hes said im a great friend to him, we will always be friends, he loves me(as a friend). but hes never showed it. When we go out he barely speaks to me, makes no effort. So last week he invited someone out with us and just ditched us for his friend. He text us the next day appologising for his behaviour(it was just the ditching us thing) and i text him back saying "dont worry about apologising, you usually treat me like that anyway" i didnt get a reply as i didnt expect one. I'd tried ignoring him for afew days and hardly talking to him but that made no difference. I dont know if he realises what hes done but i dont think ignoring him will help. Ive tried talking to him before and trust me its not an easy thing to talk about, partly because i dont think he realises he;s doing anything wrong but thats why i sent that text. So if ignoring him does help what will? What can you do to prove he does really care? I think he doesnt care tbh but hes not a guy that likes confrontation, tbh hes a very nice guy i just want someway to get to the bottom of it. What would make a guy realise and say something to you? thankyou
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 September 2010):
Hi there. Well at least he likes you as a friend, and that's a great start.What you are really asking, is does he like you more than just a friend - like a girlfriend, for instance.At the moment, that's going to be hard to find out. You can't have a serious talk with him about it either. Life will have to take it's course, it can't be forced.If you get along well now, there is a chance it could develop into something more down the track. Do you feel there is a physical attraction between you both? If there is, then it's possible it could eventuate. If you don't feel attracted to him (or him to you), well it's still possible as well.Perhaps you are making yourself a bit too available by always being there. It might be a bit too obvious, like you want to make it into more than it is at the moment. Men can sense that in a woman.Take a step back from it all, and don't go where he goes, when you go out. Go somewhere else with your friends. It's possible that he sees you as "one of the boys", but that's not what you want, is it? You don't want to just be his buddy, you would like a relationship.All the more reason to back off a bit and make a life for yourself. Have your own friends, start some hobbies and interests and make your own life as interesting and exciting as it can be. Gain some confidence and independence. That way it makes you more attractive, and not needing him so much. Otherwise, you might appear a bit needy and desperate. You don't want him to think of you in that way, he might withdraw from you altogether.Another very important thing to consider, is don't jump into bed with him - just for the sake of gaining that relationship. That would be the worst thing you could possibly do. You want a relationship - not the old "Friends With Benefits" situation. That wouldn't make you happy at all.So from now on, give him and yourself some space. It will do you a lot of good.If you are meant to be together, in time you will be. However, it can't be forced to happen any sooner that it is meant to.So just take it one day at a time, and enjoy your life, have fun, laugh and be happy. There's plenty of time to get all serious about marriage, kids, mortgages etc. There's no hurry at all.Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
A
female
reader, Nomoredrama  +, writes (20 September 2010):
You are the only one who can get to the bottom of it. If he is not showing you attention and affection then its time for you to move on and stop chasing him. Be confident in yourself and know that there are plenty of men out there who would treasure you. You cannot waste your time waiting around on him. Be proactive by knowing what you want and going out and getting it. By worrying about what he thinks and feels, you are giving him the power. Take that power back and find someone you treats you like the queen you are!:-)
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