A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How many time should I be having sex with my wife? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ShannonB  +, writes (1 April 2009):
First ignore everyone talking about how it can't be measured and "everyone is different". Of course it can be measured and of course there is a reasonable frequency range.
I unfortunately do not definitively know the answer nor statistics, I am searching for it. It won't be *exactly* the same for everyone but there will be a modal common frequency in practice - we /do not care/ what the general frequency is (because the majority of marriages are failures) - we want to know the modal frequency for successful, happy, enduring marriages. I suspect this modal frequency is 3-4 times per week and I also suspect is does not wane with years of marriage. But I am only guessing.
You have to strike a balance between what you want - sex every time you see her - with what she can actually accommodate.
Particularly if you are working on rebuilding a relationship some awkward sex is going to be part of the process. Part of that rebuilding process is to return to genuine and spontaneous sex but it takes a jump-start to get there. Similarly, awkward, intentional, even contrived affection and conversation is also part of the process - she *needs* this like you need sex and if you are ignoring her at-all, at-any-time, it will make her as depressed, irritable, and unhappy in her marriage as you are/will-be if you never had sex with her again.
If you find yourself turning to her and saying "what?"; you fail.
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Okay, although I've liked what the other aunts have said, I thought I'd repeat something I heard on Oprah a couple of weeks ago.
There was a doctor on the show talking about the health effects of various things, and he said that to receive the health benefits of sex (and other intimate expressions) you should do it 200 times EACH YEAR (which I think means a little more then 2x/week?).
That said, I and my husband don't get it that often. We have 2 toddlers and sleep seems to be more important... [grin].
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (20 May 2007):
 like the othere posts hacwe stipulated there is no guidlines or rules to say how many times a couple should be having sex. You and you wife have sex however many times you like, where ever and when you like. as many times as you are both comfortable with.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): It all depends on the sexual attraction that you have towards each other. When I lived with my first partner it was usually once a week, I was quite young and inexperienced then, sometimes even once a fortnight but it was never mind blowing. When I met my husband, firstly it was four times a day, then after a while once a day, then we split because of his drinking. When a relationship is in trouble you no longer want to have sex with your partner and do everything to avoid it. Because they are no longer meeting your emotional needs, you do not want to meet their sexual ones! Simple. My ex-boyfriend when we first met we would spend all night Friday and Saturday,Sunday morning as well because we couldn't get enough of each other. I was giving him the sexual side but sadly not the correct emotional attachment that he needed. The relationship failed. So I suppose you have to connect on an emotional level, then the sex becomes your bonding mechanism. Its all very strange, I suppose it varies from person to person and I'm still learning at forty LOL.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (19 May 2007):
 There is no set or average "amount" couples have sex. Some do it twice a day, some do it twice a month. Both are normal, as long as both partners are happy with it!
xxIndia
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): WHAT?!?!?! Are you even reading?!?! You can't! There is NO average! Are you really 30 to 35?!?! Seriously! NO! There is NO SUCH THING!
Wow. Is this real?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): what is the average in the u.k?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): This shouldn't be a matter of "how many times should..." but a matter of "how do I pleasure my..." Understand?
It seems so premature to ask a question like that because things like love and consideration, sex, pleasure, and care shouldn't and couldn't be measured. It's all a feeling.
For a lot of people I know, including myself, we gauge what we want to do for our partners based on how we feel about them, and more often than not, if we love our partners, or if we like them a lot, we usually just want to do things for and with them.
Eg: I'm going out with a girl right now and the more I see her and interact with her, the more I want to hear her voice, spend time with her, know and understand her thoughts and feelings. These things translate to me wanting to care about her, care for her, be worrisome about her health. I want to kiss her, hug her, pleasure her. I want to take her to places. I want to do this and that, etc, etc, etc.
I cannot and will not measure how many times per week I should take her out. I cannot and will not measure how many times we should have sex. I cannot and will not measure how often we should kiss or hug, or do things together. These things should all be based on a combination of energy, emotion, practicality, and relation. It's so relative.
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