A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am really curious to find out how many people go back to their first love/ X friend after many years of separation and are really 1.truely happy with this decision.2. Live without fear of rejection3. Start the affair all over again because they are unhappy with a current relationship4. Walk out on their spouse to be with the x only to find out that the x was an excuse to get out of a rut5. How many return to their spouse and how fast6. How many see that the problem was within themselves and not their partner7. How many believe it was the best choice and why8. if anyone believes that it was a test to contact the x just seeif they could eventually feel desired by the person that dumped them all those years go to boost self ego9 Do these cheaters really care about their families feelings at all or is this a real narcistic type of behaviour?Thank you for taking the time to read and please help with some answers as these questions will help me understand why my husband cheated on me with a first love from over 20 years ago.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): 1. My reunion was bittersweet and we parted a second time but I have no regrets about finding him again2. I always had a fear of rejection, he had nothing to do with it3. We didn't have an affair and he was in a lull period with his girlfriend4. I was single and visiting my hometown. I just wanted to see him again since it had been a long time since we were in the same city.5. I wasn't beholden to anyone but I did run to another city on a job offer because it hurt too much to not be with him.6. The problem was in me. I just couldn't let go and now am working on it.7. The best choice was to leave both the first and second time because first love was no damn unreliable and sometimes took me for granted.8. No, I did not want an ego boost. He just was always written on my heart. I told him before I left that I would always love him the most and always had.9. My first love is a chronic cheater and I told him he was acting narcissitic.My first love was like a drug in youth and I could see as an adult how the same effect was possible. But I refused to hurt his lovely girlfriend. Go to www.lostlovers.com for some healing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): That's an awful lot of questions!
1. I am now with my first love, and have been for a good few years. We are both blissfully happy with each other.
2. I have no fear of rejection.
3. In a round-about way, this is what happened with me.
4. It wasn't an excuse, but the grass on the other side was definitely greener.
5. Not likely to happen - she's remarried for a start, and I've no intention of going anywhere else!
6. It was 50/50.
7. Definitely the best choice, and there are a multitude of reasons, chief among which was the fact that my now ex used to steal money from me, she never contributed to the household bills and expected me to pay for those while she just spent her pay on herself. She 'let herself go', she was idle around the house, messy - I could go on!
8. Not applicable.
9. They do, yes, but it's a case of choosing the lesser of two evils.
You may never come to understand why he cheated on you, it's possible he doesn't really know himself. Maybe it was simply because he could and it was offered to him on a plate. Maybe he wanted to prove that he could still 'pull' the opposite sex. Perhaps he was having a midlife crisis. There may be many other reasons - trying to re-live his youth, boredom, feeling tied down, lack of sex, lack of excitement - the list could be virtually endless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): You know what, it doens't matter how many people went back to a first love or why, it doesn't have anything at all to do with your situation......there is no universal answer to your question....but it is obvious that you are in pain and you are analyzing what your husband did to you in hopes of getting rid of the pain once you understand him.
Unfortuneately, it doesn't work that way. You are wasting your energy trying to come up with a logical answer to an emotional decision, it can't be done. It doesn't matter if you understand him or not or the reasons why he did this thing, it isn't going to take your pain away.
What will is turning your anger outward, realize the sadness that is underneath it and release it. Use it as motivation to get up and change your life for the better....you have a rare chance to start over and to find a better man with more character, someone who truly loves you for you....for what ever reason, your husband was unhappy and he left...that is all that is reality.....don't expect closure, just accept that he was a disappointment and keep an open heart and open mind that the next time you fall in love it won't be like this time, it will be better.
Whenever God closes one door, he opens another. Peace.
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