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female
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*eghan
writes: Dear Cupid,I am a widow with a third grade daughter. I have not dated in fifteen years, and feel lost with the dating scene. I have been dating a wonderful man for three months. It has taken some time for my daughter to warm up to him, (expected), as it is the first man she has seen show affection to me. My daughter is with me all the time, therefore we all do spend time together. (dinner, movies, etc) Sam is great with her, not pushy and very patient. Sam is divorced with two children who live with him part time. The youngest is also a third grader. My daughter and I have not yet met his children. When his children are with him, we only communicate by phone. I have asked about meeting his children and he has responed that we will meet, he is just not sure what the atmosphere should be. We have spent Sunday afternoons with some of my family. They have personally called and invited he and his children. (he has not brought them) My daughter frequently asks him questions about his kids, (as I do), including wanting to see pictures of them. He is very responsive with his answers. Out of respect and understanding wanting to protect our children from hurt, I have not pushed the issue and not inquired within the past month. (about meeting his children) I also want to protect my daughter from hurt, and I feel maybe some of her reluctance to accept Sam, maybe that she has not met his children. She might feel like she is not 'good enough' to meet them. Is this normal? How long should we wait? Should I ask again, and if so, How?Please helpSally
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female
reader, QueenB75 +, writes (20 October 2005):
This is something you need to be careful with because this is relatively new to the children on both sides. You've been dating for 3 months I would wait until at least a year giving how young children don't adjust well to their parents being with someone new other than the parent they're used to being with. Give it some time and try again after about 6 months to a year and gradually introduce your children to your boyfriend and the same with him so that it makes the environment comfortable for the children to get used to each other. Focus on building your relationship with this man first before you introduce your kids into the picture.
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