A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been fighting alot lately, we have been together for almost 2 years, i was married when i met him, we seen each other for 6 months before i divorced, i had been married for 20 years, 2 kids 18 and 15, we moved in together after 1 year in the relationship, he has never been married , nor does he have any kids, my kids do not live with me, they come to visit but live with there dad 2 hours away. he is 37, and i am 42. Anyway, in the beginning he would get real angry over really small things, like me not agreeing with him on things, or me wanting something done another way than he thought it should be, we have worked through that now i told him i cant live like that, him getting angry and telling me to get out every time we disagreed, he doesnt do that anymore, he does not have a lot of patience with anything actually, and to me he makes mountains out of molehills with a lot of stuff, which always leaves me feeling bad inside, i have noticed he has pulled away from me with certain things he used to do. He is not easy to live with because he is a perfectionist, i am too i should add. he feels betrayed because at one point i had looked into a job transfer and an apartment because he was angry all the time and telling me to get out, but i felt he caused it. i just feel like no matter what i do or say, there will always be an argument, i wonder if the fact he has had alot of relationships and never married and no children, maybe he really does not know how to communicate without taking things the wrong way, when you try to explain the way things were meant , he just leaves or walks away, help
View related questions:
divorce, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): you need to realise that your relationship has changed. it is not the same one you had with him while you were married. in the beginning, it was fun, exciting, forbidden, now after your divorce real life has set in. you are now aware of him as a normal person with normal faults. in the beginning you were more interested in the sex with the new person, his faults were never an issue because your focus was different. now, the boredom of normal life has crept in. now the mandane has crept in. it is really hard when you are in a proper relationship. you have to work harder and sometimes all the work is one sided. he has lots of anger and if you do not watch out it will spill over to your kids.
couples counselling? would he even go? you have made your bed with this man, who is younger . is he your soul mate? he is getting increasingly frustrated with you. why?
i note that you gave up your kids - did you willingly leave them so that you could be with this man?? is this man worth what you had to give away? i think not. you paid a very dear price to be with this man. you threw away 20 yrs of marriage and 2 kids. i am actually astounded by this. your new man will not change. and you cannot expect him to. you should have known his perfectionist qualities before shacking up. you say perfectionist but i say controlling. i wonder which is truer.
if he gets upset at the smallest things, remember, shortly it is going to erupt into bigger things. things are boiling over right now and you need to decide how to handle him tactfully. you do not want to expose your kids to any domestic violence. this guy seems to be a walking time bomb. he hasn't been married before/ no kids as well. so maybe he is fed up with routine life and a stable relationship. too many areas of concern here. maybe the grass was not greener on the other side after all. is he really worth it?
A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 Book a few counselling sessions, having another person to observe and advise is great as you get a balanced opinion. It will be worth it when you see the results! X
...............................
|
