A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do you tell your partner about physical qualities that bother you and are sometimes a big turn-off?I have a very good friend, that is single for at least the last 12 years. He is 50, in excellent shape, very handsome man, takes really good care of himself. Won't ever let any unwanted hair on his face. He also has a great personality, he is funny, polite, well mannered, what can I say, charmer. Maybe he is being too much about cleanliness, but over few years that I know him, I heard quite a bit of stories about something wrong that he finds in one woman or another. He dates a lot, but now he really wants to settle down, as he said. He met one woman, that seemed he really liked and I only heard good things about her.Yesterday he didn't look very happy, and I asked him what was wrong. He said that passion is going away, because of some feature that this woman has. She is very hairy. She shaves in a morning, but the time they meet at night, her skin feels like sand. She also has a few hairs around her nipples. He said, he encouraged her to get laser treatment, but for some reason she did it couple times, and now doesn't want to continue. He seemed very sad when he was saying it. He said that he doesn't think he can go on like that, because it kills desire in him. He wanted me to advise him how to talk to her about it, so she would understand how important this is to him, but at the same time not to hurt her feelings. He also said he doesn't understand how a woman can let hair be on her chest, in his opinion it is absolutely gross.Any advice anyone? Really appreciate it.
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female
reader, Teacake +, writes (21 November 2008):
 I don't think there is any solution to this. I'm sure she would love to be hairless more than he wishes.
She might have a hormone imbalance and need to see a doctor for blood work. She actually might have a high level of testosterone for a female - we have some, but not a lot.
But if this kills passion, there just isn't anything to change this. He just might have to tell her exactly why it bothers him, that he feels bad about it, but he can't help it. She may or may not want to remain friends depending on how she feels and she needs to find a man who isn't bothered by hair on a woman.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering. I am sure he has issues with commitment, otherwise he wouldn't be still single. It seemed to me that he really wanted this relationship to work. That's why he asked how to talk to her about it.
If anyone has any suggestion how to put this hair issue into words.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (21 November 2008):
Well, I have to admint, hair on a woman's chest would be a turn off for most men unless they are head over heals in love love love.
But your friend sounds like a guy looking for any reason not to really get involved, fear of intimacy and they really don't care to deal with these issues and the seem to love chasing rainbows. lol
This sounds a little like the man who broke my heart! 50s, handsome, funny... CHARMing... (charm is usually a mask)
In my ex's case, he was molested as a boy, emotionally and physically abused by his father and thus suffers narcissistic personality disorder.
He might also rather look at other's flaws rather than his own and will find their flaws before they discover his.
Just guessing about this.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (21 November 2008):
Well unless he is prepared to pay for the thousands of pounds worth of laser treatment I think he's going to have to put up with it, or find someone else.
There is no way to nicely say "I find this bit of you disgusting. Get rid of it."
I think it's pretty shallow, although I understand as I have had this problem with things in my partners in the past.
It's a sad fact but he may have to compromise. I bet he's not as perfect as you make out, and she would love to change something about him as well.
Good Luck!! xx
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