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How do you stop making the same mistakes and actually be a better person?

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Question - (28 July 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

How do you stop making the same mistakes and actually be a better person?

I can get so over emotional when I am angry and I literally can say the most hurtful things to the people that I care about the MOST. It's actually disgusting the things I can say and I know I deserve nothing.

I am my own worst enemy all the time, but I never mean to ever hurt people. I had genuinely believed I was a much nicer, kinder and sincere person but once you get close enough to me, I seem to always revert back to the person I once was.

I truly have done so much to change, I have spoken to professional people as to the reasons WHY I act in those ways, I have listened to the people I have upset etc but I am still repeating the old mistakes.

I have upset someone that I genuinely care SO much about and I am so disappointed in myself because this person is amazing. I am useless and I feel so stuck when people get close to me, it's like my mechanism of pushing them away but I never would want them to go.

I really hope you can help because I hate myself so much right now.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (29 July 2015):

Garbo agony auntWhy don't you work on your anger. You are grown and therefore able to recognize the onset of anger. You also understand the effects of anger - the over-exaggerated need to discharge your assertiveness - so assess your discharge and use the tactics to avoid it or channel it some other way. Anger management tactics are available on the web.

Also, examine the frequency of your anger outbursts. These outbursts don't have to be against a person whom you lash out at, but general anger frequency at anything. Compare your frequency with the normal amount and if yours is higher you may have an anger disorder such as Intermittent Explosive Disorder. This is a mood-type disorder and may require meds.

Alternatively, you could use supplements to mellow your mood: things like magnesium, theanine, or carnitine. Meditation and prayer also helps and there are many which you can find online.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 July 2015):

Sweetie, the problem is you don't like yourself. You fend people off; because you have expectations of people that they never live up to. You fear criticism and rejection, and you are really not a people-person. You're a natural loner. People disappoint you. We're all human. So we share the same faults, imperfections, and make the same kinds of mistakes. Nobody's perfect! So stop looking for it!

My guess is you like animals more than you like people.

If you want to change, try volunteer work. Give something of yourself. Think before you speak, and learn some self-discipline. Take yoga classes or practice meditation.

Seek your spiritual side, and consider reacquainting yourself with worship; whatever you were introduced to as a child. Learn how to express yourself in positive ways. Take an arts and crafts class; and explore your creative side. You may be a hidden artist. Frustration often grows from needing to express a talent that is ignored, neglected, or underutilized. Bitterness is usually how it manifests itself. Illustrate what you feel inside. If it's ugly, let it out. Push it out. Stop letting it control and poison your personality. Kickboxing is great for pent-up aggression. It's also a discipline. Mind over body, body in-sync with the mind.

Get a higher level of education. Enrich and challenge your mind. Strive to be the opposite of who you are; because you know exactly what traits need work. Work on them day be day and don't worry about how long it takes. It takes a life-time to grow and correct yourself. It doesn't have to be a major reconstruction project. Make it fun. You'll never stop finding ways to improve yourself; but you'll see the good results over time. People will notice and tell you.

Your spirit is cold and empty; because you hate who YOU are so much. You have a lot of bitterness over something that must have happened a long time ago, and you have never really dealt with it, or gotten your closure. I've known people like you've described yourself to be. You are all of the above.

Your bitterness will subside when you learn to like and love yourself. Go out of your way to do kind deeds, and shut your mouth if you have nothing decent to say to people.

Your defense-mechanisms are constantly activated and working overtime. Teach yourself how to shut them down. That's what we call self-control and maturity. You don't always need a therapist to tell you that. You can't live life in bitch-mode. It will make your life hell. The reward for it is loneliness.

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