A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:We broke up 2 weeks ago. Tried to be friends but I love him to much to stay 'friendzoned'. I want him and miss him terribly, even though the breakup was inevitable. Unfortunately, the last bit of contact we had was pretty ugly, and the only time either of us had lashed out like this. I know it was because we're both deeply hurt and mourning the loss of a poorly timed relationship (he wasn't ready to settle and I needed his full commitment). I think about him constantly. I can't escape any reminder of him, down to my own body. I'm trying to reconnect with friends and get out to do my own thing but I want him by my side. This is day 3 of no contact. I know it's truly a withdrawal and the grieving of a death of sorts. But part of me holds out hope that he's just as miserable without me as I am without him and that someday he'll be ready to truly commit. I know that's my heart talking and not my head.But I can't put my life on hold waiting for something to happen that most likely will not. The problem now is, how do I plow ahead with life, trying new relationships, hoping and knowing that he could possibly return for me in several months time, but be too late for anything to happen because I've moved on?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 You aren't giving yourself enough time to move past the hurt and grief. Three days is not enough time to start thinking about another relationship. You also didn't mention how long you were together. Maybe you were expecting too much too soon in that department as well? If people love each other, they usually don't play the "I'm not ready" card regardless of their situation. He still wants to play the field. That's code for have sex wtih other women because he's not sure you were the one. Given that mentality, it should be much easier to put this chapter behind you at some point and move on. I wouldn't hold my breath about him coming back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): day 3 of nc is still very early days, so don't beat yourself up so much!
It's absolutely NORMAL to be feeling like you do (and sorry to say it will last for a long time too)
I promise it will get better eventually though, and from past experiences, I can only say every time you start to feel sad/dwelling/thinking about him obsessively, you HAVE to distract yourself! (By all means give yourself a few weeks to cry/moan to your friends and be sad, but then only YOU can say to yourself, enough is enough, you're not dead, you have a life, family, friends that love you and you have alot of love to give to someone who wants it. You're a long time dead, and life is precious...no-one knows what's round the corner... so mope for a while, then try and dust yourself down, (fake happiness for a while if you have to)and tell yourself he didn't deserve you anyway!
I've learnt the hard way that no-one can make you sad/happy unless you let them...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 You cannot hold out hope like this, if you do you will not move forward but you will be stuck living in pain and in a rut. He has told you he is not ready to commit to you. So you need to accept this. He does not want a serious relationship with you, and it is very unlikely he is going to change his mind, harsh yes but true so you need to just accept this now and move forward with your life. The key is to accept that the relationship is over completely, there is no going back you need to ACCEPT that before you can move on. It is still early days so yes it is going to hurt but with acceptance and time you will soon be feeling lots better.
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A
male
reader, lakers_lover09 +, writes (14 January 2012):
HThe irony of your story is in the title.you can't move on and stil how to get back together. Somethings gotta give. Losing a loved one is like kicking an addiction.you gotta stay away until your better or you'll judy be stuck forever.no need trying to be friends so soon cause you won't know how to be. Dnt contact him. Use this time to better urself. Do a hobby u love or find interest in something u always wanted to do. For now, cut this person out of ur life. Thats the only way to get it out of ur system. Trust me, we have all been here once or twice. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Ima FreAk!  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Hiyaaaa,
Things happen for a reason. It's must be heartbreaking for you to go through this but time will heal.
The thing is there are things that are easier left broken like in your case, imagine your ex in front of you and you walk up to him but you didn't realise there is a glass wall. As soon as you walk up the glass it breaks, no point trying to pick up all the pieces and glue it back together because it hurts. You'll get cut if you pick up the glass its best to leave it broken.
I'm not saying that things should always be left broken but you have a chance of still being friends with him so that is kinda repairing relationship in itself, but don't go down that road yet.
As always try to move on by thinking that it might be the best because its better for him to say hand on his heart that he can't settle then lie and say yeah I can settle and something goes terribly wrong like he might realise too late that he's done something wrong.
You need some girlfriend therapy! Grab your friends and just chill with them, don't try and get your ex friends because they might remind you of him. Just try and do what you wanna do this month like go shopping, watch movies, go on holiday and you know have fun! Oh and listen to songs like "Stronger (what doesn't kill you - Kelly Clarkson) amazing SONG!
Hope my advice helps and stay strong!
Good luck!
Lots of love,
Ima FreAk!
x
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