A
female
age
41-50,
*relandfox
writes:I dated this guy for 4 years. He was emotionally and physically abusive, he cheated on me. And yet I still believed that deep in his heart there had to be good. Eventually I just had to leave him. I knew that I deserved more. I am a good person and I couldn't live the rest of my life that way. It took everything in me to leave him. Good friends and my dreams helped. I am finally at a point that i am happy. It's okay to be alone. I feel like I love myself and I deserve everything yet the men I have dated since are red flags. How do I meet the good guys?
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (23 September 2007):
 I met love of my life on match.com - I am serious -
First I didn't believe in it at all ... but my 3 friends got married and have children and happy family life thank's to this web site - so I did it .. and I can just recomend it to everyone.
Unfortunately .. there is no guaranteed that u will find the ONE right the way (like I did) ... u maight just have to kiss few frogs to get to the right prince !
But don't give up on yourself. You will find someone that will love you and treat you the way you should be treated.
Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): You can't just go somewhere & find the good guys, honey. You have to just keep an open mind & eventually one will come along. It happened for me & I did date a string of abusive jerks. Who knows, the one for you could be right under your nose..a friend, a co-worker whom you never really thought about in that way. That's what happened for me. It was a friend of mine whom I never thought of but I knew what a great person he was. The it just happened one day & we're now married with babies. You'll find it too.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 September 2007):
 You story is inspiring, I'll tell you, you've done something so many people have not figured out. Being happy for yourself. That is great, and it's also why you get the red flags. When you are happy being alone, you notice behaviors in people that you wouldn't notice if you were "relationship dependent". I know you thought there was good there, and somewhere real hidden then may be, knowing what you do know, you know change doesn't come from waiting for it, it comes from wanting to change and taking action to achieve it. The guy you were with would have had to begin creating his own change.
Go to the places where the good guys hang out. What are you looking for in a man and look for those qualities. As you are happy with yourself, the person you want to be with needs to be happy with themselves too, and not dependent. You will find people like that in places where they more than likely are not looking for a girlfriend, but if someone just happened to come along they were attracted to and had a bond with, they're not closed to the idea either. I would suggest to get out and socialize. Meet new people, but don't put yourself out there as if you're on the market, or you'll start attracting those with toddlers in their pants. Just by socializing and meeting new people you might just stumble across someone like yourself. Happy, yet willing to share their happiness with someone special.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): I suppose a lot depends on why you see the red flag, and what you perceive to be wrong with these guys.
A lot also depends on how or where you first meet, and under what circumstances - blind dates, pick-ups in bars, hobby clubs or whatever.
Let's say, for instance, that you're looking for a Christian guy who has strong beliefs about his faith. A good place to meet might be at bible classes or church on a Sunday.
Perhaps you'll need to meet a few more red flag ged guys before you find a green flag one.
Phil
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A
female
reader, rose the relationship solver  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 You poor thing, you deserve much better than that. Many lads can be good you just have to figure them out and wait for the right one and you will know if he is mr right.
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