A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you help your partner through depression?My partner has outbursts of rage where he pushes me away, then he he's back to himself and back to the man I love. Then cycles.When he's in these rages he's told me that he doesn't want to be with me, that he wants to be on his own because that is what he deserves. Then when wee both calm down and I say both because I haven't handled hearing that well or course who would? When he's calm he tells me he hates dragging me down and I'm young and could be with someone who could give me everything I need. (My partner is 50 and am 35). I'm sure that's my choice though and I choose this relationship for the good and bad times. I want him and I want to show him how loved he is but it's hard not to overwhelm him.My partner is a big music lover as I am and he's even showing disinterest in that. Which if you knew him you would see that's shocking to see.My partner has been to the Doctor and has been told he's depressed and did receive medication that he refuses to take now.I am just at a loss how to help him. I love him and to see this man fade away is killing me. He's hard working always has been, good to me before he got ill, a good dad no matter how he's feeling. So please don't judge him when I speak about the outbursts he's unwell. I'm just at a loss.Thank you for reading this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2024): I suffer from depression and that is one of the symptoms, losing interest in things. While he's like that there's no point in trying to talk about it. Wait till he's well and expressing regret then tell him how helpless it makes you feel and ask whether he'd go to counselling as an alternative to the medication. Personally I don't take meds because there are side effects, it can be difficult to come off them, and they dull happiness as well as sadness. Counselling is a slower process but gets to the root of the problem. He can get it via the GP.
You've said clearly that you choose this relationship so I hope you can reassure him of that at the same time as telling him how it affects you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 May 2024):
 As much as it sucks, you can't FIX this for him.
He might not be able to do it on his own, especially if he refuses medication that could help.
I think the ONLY thing you can do is TALK to him when he is in a better "mood". He needs to at least TRY the medication, for his own sake but also for the sake of his family. DOES he not want you and his kid(s) to feel SAFE and LOVED around him?
And honestly? Since you have kid(s), I think you NEED to put the kid(s) first - HOW do you think his outburst will affect them?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2024): You can't help anyone through depression, unfortunately. He knows how loved he is, he knows what he's doing and actively chooses to do it. He wouldn't have those outbursts at work, so he can control it. He chooses not to because he has decided it's acceptable to do to you.
He doesn't want to take medication ad I imagine he doesn't want therapy, either. He wants to live his life as is, you must accept that.
Stay if you're okay with the way things are right now, leave if you aren't. He won't change, he doesn't want to.
I'm so, so sorry and my heart is with you!
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