A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know that most people have a tumultuous relationship with their mothers while going through their teen years - I did, and I still do.I haven't had a bad life by any means and for the most part my family is pretty functional and normal (certainly to the outsider) with the exception of my mother!She is an absolute control freak. I honestly cannot remember one occasion in my life where I have been able to discuss an issue we disagree rather than her yelling at me and refusing to hear my side.I'm a pretty well spoken and rational individual but every time I try to discuss anything with her I end up getting emotional because of her response.The last issue I tried to raise with her resulted in her blocking her ears. Yes, seriously. I remember her telling me at the age of 12 my opinion didn't matter when I brought up a matter of great importance to me that had been difficult to do so.There is only yelling from her, once she is done yelling that's it, the 'conversation' is over aside from sarcastic snipes at any points I might raise.I honestly cannot believe that I am having this trouble with a grown woman. I wonder if it's menopause related - she is going through menopause without the assistance of any kind of treatments - but I honestly think it is just the way she is.Is anyone else in the same situation? How on earth do you get through to someone that refuses to discuss anything?! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Been in this with my now ex. U don't get anything through. People shout above you because they sense they are losing the argument. This means they don't care about the cause. Just winning.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): I'm in your situation, it's driving me crazy!
My mum is exactly like yours, controlling and dictating. She refuses to talk about things like an adult, instead resorts to a shouting match. I'm the one that tries to talk like an adult and avoids arguments.
Are you still living with your mum? If so, if you can afford to, move out. If you've already moved out then you could try to keep your distance from her a bit, and phone more instead of going round. It might not be what she wants but if she's making you unhappy and you can't talk about it like adults then it's probably best.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 I would distance yourself from her. You don't need her approval. If you are living at home it's time to move out. Make your own decisions; live your own life, cut the apron strings. It doesn't matter what she thinks so don't get into a row about what is important to you.
Mothers and daughters often go through this queen bee scenario. There can only be one queen and the old queen doesn't want to be deposed by the younger model.
Keep separate. You won't win any arguments with her but you will always come away from them feeling miserable.
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