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*mudge
writes: 3 days ago I discovered my partner of 5 years was seeing someone else. I still desperately love her, and want to get over this and get back together. She has been seeing him for a month and says that while she still has feelings for me, she loves him and wouldn't have cheated on me with just anyone. I believe her. We have had the most wonderful 5 years, and 18 months ago bought a house together. I think this is what pushed away though, as we dedicated increasingly more time to the house and she says she felt lonely. I have cried and cried but don't know what I can do to convince her, that now the house is finished, that distraction isn't there and that things can back to how they were.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (27 November 2005):
 I am so sorry for the pain that you are in right now and my heart goes out to you.
If she is aware of the fact that you want the relationship to work and that you forgive her for her unfaithfulness, then the ball really is in her court now.
I don't know if she is still seeing this other guy or if she wants to be with him. Obviously, this makes a difference. The fact that she says she loves him is also a very bitter pill to swallow. I very much hope, for your sake, that she remembers how good your relationship has been and remains with you.
You can only do what you have been doing. Remind her how good your relationship has been. Explain to her that she won't be lonely now the house is finished. If need be, write to her but also try to understand that if she is serious about this other man, she may have to find out for herself whether the relationship is right for her.
You can't force her into being with you, as I'm sure you know. All you can do is keep calm and remind her of the good times that you've had and the reason why she had the affair in the first place. If things had been well, perhaps that wouldn't have happened.
Explain to her how you feel and allow her an insight into how things could be again.
I really hope this helps.
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