A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together about 2 months. He is a single father with full custody so we only see each other once or twice a week. He is a sweet guy and I know he likes me a lot and I like him a lot, too. I think he does have some insecurities. Our problem is that we are able to make small talk, tease, play, joke, etc, but it's like the communication is kinda superficial. Like we're talking, but not about anything. It's sometimes like this on dates, too. However, when we make out and make love it's like he opens up. He'll hold me and tell me he's missed me and stuff then. And one time we had a misunderstanding on the phone and I cried and he told me then that he cared for me. I've been following his cue and so for the most part we're not really communicating very deeply. It's really bothering me. I want us to tell each other sweet things. And we do sometimes, but not often. I was thinking of just telling him I'm missing him. How do I take our communication to a deeper level? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Thanks so much, I really appreciate your input. I do see a big difference in the way we communicate and we have had a couple of misunderstandings because of it, but we've just worked through them.
There are times on the phone where we will talk and talk, then there are times when it's difficult to think of anything to say and there's more silence. He's not a big talker. This is sometimes the case on dates, too, especially when we go to dinner. Is this normal? Sometimes he's more quiet than other times. On our last date he was pretty quiet and I thought something was wrong. I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking. We went to dinner. Afterwards we came to my place and we cuddled, kissed, and had sex. And it seemed like he opened up.
Is there something I should/could do to make him talk and to help him be more comfortable communicating with me?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 November 2010):
Have you ever noticed how two women cat sit down and just chat for hours and hours about their most deepest feelings?
Now, have you noticed how men can't do that, yet at a football game or something we can even be reduced to tears?
That's the difference in communication. And to understand how to communicate with your man, you need to look into when your own guy opens up more. Just sitting and talking won't do it. Yet, when you've kissed, made love etc, he opens up. So, like all men, he's a man who will open up when he's doing something practical/special with someone he loves/cares for. And not just sex, I might add.
Over the phone, I can talk to my girlfriend, but because I'm not doing something with her, sometimes I can find it difficult. Yet, when I go out for a walk with her, or have fun with her or anything else that's practical/meaningful, I can open up and chatter away.
If you want to communicate more deeply with your boyfriend, find things that you can do together (dancing is a good one, if he's up for it). Men respond more to action than just talk. When we're doing something with someone we care for, we'll open up and chatter away. Find things to do with your boyfriend (sex/dancing/walk/hobbies/films etc), and you will find that he will open up.
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