A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of several years broke up with me recently and we haven't talked or communicated since. It has felt like I've had a death in my family - I've lost the person I've spent every intimate detail of daily life with for the last several years and now I'm' alone, cold-turkey.What's bothering me the most is the idea of her being with other men. Not just sexually, although that makes my heart drop into my stomach, but just in general. Going on dates, trips, having fun, whatever. My person, my lover, with someone else.I know I have to let it go and can't do anything about it, but I don't know how.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2018): I too went through the same thing in which my boyfriend. Broke up with me , yes it hurt and I hated the thought of him being with other women or touching other women( it made me sick to my stomach) but I realised I couldn't stop him doing what he wanted to do, he dumped me and didn't want to know me anymore so has hard as it was I had to accept that it was over and you need to too hun , the hurt eases day by day and you will get over your ex, just enjoy time single and go out with mates and have fun, you never know your ex may realise she made a mistake breaking up with you and try to get you back, if not then it's her loss and somebody eles gain and they will be lucky to have you. Now no more wallowing and go out and have fun, life is too short.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2018): All you've described is what you're supposed to feel when you lose someone.
I know those nasty feelings and they are pure agony. You just have to stay distracted. When you're alone, deal with your feelings. Let them rise to the surface, and don't suppress the emotions. Part of purging and detaching is accepting the loss, and feeling the grief. You're supposed to grieve and feel loss.
You're not a boy, you're in your forties. You know she's not going to become celibate, lock herself away, or move into a convent; so you'll just have to tap into your maturity and deal with it. Man-up and put-up with it.
You do know how. Stop resisting your emotions, let them go; and experience your grief. You can't control your pain until some of it is released. Pressure builds unless it has some release! Bottling it up will explode into some kind of terrible behavior. It might send you on a drinking-binge, you'll blow-up her phone, or ti might make you vengeful. Let it out! Keep it private, except for the one friend you trust the most. Talk your pain. Don't get too carried-away or dramatic, and burden others with your whining. Just vent when you have the opportunity; but don't go to pieces. It's unmanly!
Don't make scenes, call names, or badmouth her to your friends. Keep your business to yourself!
If you workout, push some heavy weights around. Run, play some sports, sink yourself into your hobbies. Work on your car, and offer to do chores for your parents or friends. Keep busy so your mind won't focus on what she's doing.
You have to go through a period of sentimentality and ruminating. That's your subconscious-mind coming to terms that the relationship has ended. You'll feel sad, enraged, and numb. One at a time, or all at once. Let it happen.
Your ego is going to play on your mind for awhile. You'll feel possessive, protective, emasculated, and jealous. It's normal. Just don't act on your anger, don't rage, and make sure you leave her alone. Do not stalk, follow her on social media, or hang-out where you know you'll see her. You will be tempted to do these things, but they will make you feel even worse.
Ride it out. Cold-turkey. Take it like a man, but be a total pussy and cry like a baby when you have time alone. You have a right to hide-out like a wounded animal, and lick your wounds. Everybody hurts sometimes. Just don't let testosterone make you do anything you will regret, or get arrested for.
Read my articles. Maybe I can make you laugh or cry. Either way, it might help.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (21 April 2018):
I know this doesn’t help much but time heals all wounds. You have suffered a terrible loss and you have to grief that loss. And working thru grief takes time.
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