A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:All right guys, how do I stop focusing on the past and all the details of my last relationship/ ex-fiance and start moving on? When I agreed to marry him, I was convinced that he was the only person for me and that it was meant to be. How do I de-condition myself from that? Almost everything makes me think of him, and since the time that I ended the relationship, it seems like everything in all parts of my life has gotten more difficult (work, friends). I am just more irritable and way too over-sensitive, and this makes everything worse. What should I do? I also know that I would not want to be in a relationship with him ever again because he disrespected me and my feelings in really painful ways. I'm stuck! Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey - thank you. This is helpful. He totally let me down; it is true. I stayed home from work today and am just sitting here crying. I wish I could just accept it and move on - it has been three months since he moved out, and more than 8 months since I first started considering ending the relationship - , but I am so so sad about it still. I have flashbacks and dreams about those moments when he let me down - I keep reliving them like it is the first time they happened, and it is so difficult. I think I'm doing better overall over time, but gosh, I don't want to be upset at all, but I can't stop. Thoughts?
A
female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Gosh, I know just how this feels, and it's not easy. It can take a long time to really get over someone, especially if you were engaged and if he let you down, which it sounds from your post like he has done.
I know it's a cliche but just give it time. Hang out with friends, do nice things for yourself, and focus on re-connecting with yourself as a fabulous single young lady and you will start to feel better.
Go with your feelings, if you feel sad and feel like a cry then go with it, it's good to get it all out and it's normal to grieve for the loss of a relationship.
From your last line it sounds like you are a strong lady and have chosen not to be treated badly by your ex which is as it should be, so keep in mind that you deserve to be cherished and treated well in a relationship, and one day you'll look back and be so glad that you're not with this guy anymore.
Big Hug x x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): First of all go easy on yourself. If you are irritable etc. it is because you are still getting over it and true friends will understand. You might not be as bad at work as you think either because when you are down you see things worse than what they really are.
Try to create situations you don't associate with your ex. Maybe join something new, meet new people, find new interests. If you make new friends then don't mention your ex at all. You will find if you talk about him less, you will eventually think about him less.
I hope this helps. Happy times will come along again, they always do.
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