A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid: I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 yrs. We have a 13 month old son. My bf has put me through hell off and on since I became pregnant. He's subjected me to verbal and emotional abuse at first because he was scared of having a child. THen it was for financial reasons. He doesn't think that I contribute enough to the household. I pay our electric/gas, water, food, and 99% of our son's expenses. I work from home so it's allowed me to be home with our son since he was born. I went back to school to try and get into nursing school which I have accomplished. I start Jan. of 2011! I was so happy that I achieved the first part of that goal. So my bf was abusive the most recent time while I was in school during spring semester. Had me in tears most of time. He also won't stop his friendship with an ex-girlfriend. That has gone on since last July 2008. More recently, my bf wasn't allowed to fly home from Pittsburgh after watching superbowl parade and ends up in a hotel where the "ex" is staying for a supposed business trip. He came home and told me this. When I was first pregnant around Thanksgiving he tried to hook up with a girl that used to give him certain type of sex that I won't do. If that girl had answered him and told him when and where to meet, I know he would have met her and cheated on me. I confronted him about it, he said he wanted me. Being pregnant I thought it best to try and stay together for our child's sake. Now, I know I should have left him then even while I was pregnant. I didn't bcuz I loved him, and believed that he'd love his child when born and that we'd be a family. He does love our son, very much, said I was right about how you love your child unconditionally from beginning. But my bf drinks alot as well which doesn't help situation. I've told my bf that I can't take anymore of his abusive ways, told him he's getting like his dad who was more abusive towards the mom b/c he hit the mom and my bf. The last episode of abuse that he brought on me was last straw, I just started shutting down and closing myself off to him. I can't even fathom the idea of being intimate with him anymore, let alone kissing him. I just have been hurt too many times by him. I know that it will devastate my bf when I leave the home we share with our son. I hate to bring pain onto him, but I know that it will be the best thing for me and our son in long run. I don't want to cut him out of our son's life and I won't. So how do I reconcile that I will cause him pain to make my life more peaceful? In some ways, even when I leave I know that he'll still cause me some misery over our son. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
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