A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend has major trust issues, as well as being insecure. I love this man with all my heart and would never cheat on him or anything of that nature, but he's not sure if that's how i really feel. He said trust needs to be proven to him because he's been hurt too many times before. I don't think its possible, but how could i prove that i am true and faithful to him and that he is everything i want? Thank you in advance!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): My advice is to stop reassuring him and just be yourself. You've already said all you can say and done all you can do. Your boyfriend's trust issue are for him to overcome. It's not up to you or anyone else to do backflips trying to prove anything. And trying too hard only makes you look guilty which rouses even greater suspicion.So he's been hurt. Who hasn't been? He hasn't experienced any worse setbacks in life that others haven't experienced as well. And some have suffered a great deal worse. Time for him to buck up.Besides, he doesn't really suspect you'll cheat on him. He just likes the perks he gets from having you think so. And he knows that what he's asking is unreasonable so he's doing some pre-emptive damage control by blaming you for any future breakdown in the relationship.As long as you 'love him with all your heart' and are willing to do anything for him you'll put up with character maligning accusations, implied or stated outright. You'll curb your own freedom to avoid rousing his suspicion. You'll censor yourself to accomodate his mood. You'll reward him for every little thing he does for you, and believe me anything he does for you will be very little.Pain is a part of life. It's a given. So when someone makes a point of announcing that they've been hurt and have trust issues, they are letting you know that they expect a lot from you but don't plan to give much in return. They want you to pay attention to their feelings, not their actions. They don't want you to recognize their selfishness and laziness and hold them accountable for their own behaviour.So like I said, do both of you a favour and stop reassuring him. He'll overcome his trust issues is if he learns to accept people as they really not, not for the unreasonable demands he places on them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Firstly, you shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone.
Ok, so he's been hurt before. But that's the past. You're the present and the future.
Just keep reassuring him that you love him. If after some time he still doesn't trust you, perhaps it's not the right relationship? After all, trust is a major part of a relationship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): It is very hard for a person to trust again when they have been hurt so many times before, he was probably told he same thing by his exes that they would never cheat on him , and they probably did. Trust doesn't just happen over night,its something that has to be earned even if you have done anything to prove otherwise of your loyalty to him, he just needs time.. he doesn't want to let his guard down in case he gets hurt again, we have all been there at some stage in our life but he also needs to realize that his doubts in you might push you away. I suggest that you talk with him again and ask him why he feels like your going to hurt him and how you can show him that your 100% committed. Also tell him that although you know he has been hurt, he cant ter you with the same brush as everyone else who has let him down, he has to give you a chance just like you are giving him a chance, trust works both ways and is the foundation of a stable relationship so its very important that he takes this into account. Time is a great healer.. how long have you been with him?
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