A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am responding to the others who seem to be in the same boat. I fell in love with D at age 18 he is 30 years my senior he was my first and only...he has protected me urged me to go to school and many other pos. things He is also married. 18 years later we are still best friends and lovers. several months ago we had a fight and I was certain it was over beween us we did not talk for 2 months I was away on business for the weekend and I met this nice guy J who is my age 31 we started talking and then he ask me out I went just to have fun instead we had an awsome time and he ended up spending the night at my hotel. He is only the second guy I've every slept with I thought I would feel guilty but I didn't.. after that we spent most of the summer together 3 months and talk an average of 2hrs. a day he gave me a promise ring.. during this time D became incarcerated and in late Aug. contacted me to come see him in prison to discuss some mutual business dealings I would do anything for him so I went I had writen him about J and told him I only wanted to be friends. During the vistit he begged me for another chance and said he understond he had driven me away and he would not bring up J or hold it against me. He said he would file for a div. asap upone his release which will be 8 months from now if I would give him another chance I became confused and told him I would not see J anymore and I would wait for him. So I broke J's hart and told him the truth that I was giving my ex another chance at first he was mad then wanted to be my friend he is a really great guy. 2 weeks later I called him and we cryed and talked for 2 hrs. this weekend we are meeting for dinner ??? I can't stop thinking about him and he is very easy to be with however D and I have 18 years of water under the bridge and we are best friends so do I give him another chance and hope he follows through with the div. or tell him I'cant and just want his friendship and dedicate myself to J?????? J knows I am tring to decied what to do and D thinks I'm recommited to him..meanwhile I cry a bucket of tears everynight trying to figure out my feelings... Help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): Yes.... I am in love with two men aswell.. I feel totally lost in my own head and am so happy someone else is too !
From where I sit I agree so with J and stay friends with D hun, Hard but you can do it.(no nappies ):)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): Qute being a drama queen. Dont pick either of them cause its fair not to the other one. How would you like if its to you?
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A
female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (12 September 2008):
 I agree. Hearing your story it seems only logical to try things out with j. But I also see that this is going to be hard for you. Its the devil we know. Meaning we stay because its just what we know rather than take the jump over board into something we aren't very familiar with. But like the other Auntie said...would you rather wonder always of what could have been?
You know what life is like with D...give J a chance. Have fun and live in love.
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): I agree with Sappygirl. She has given you excellent advisment.In my opinion, this is a no brainer. You pick J, simple as that. Listen, you are sitting there, experiencing self-doubt, you are crying, depressed and confused which really has nothing to with tackling this dilemma with rationale, objectivity or courage. D was a married man you met 18 long years ago, who took your virginity and with that, it seems he took your sensibilities here, too . The man had you in his life as a lover for 18 years! And now that his position in your life is threatened by another guy, he's decided to divorce and 'finally' commit to you in 8 months?? How many more years are you going to waste on D? J is offering you a future...possibly a good stab at marriage and children if that's what you want. So I say, enough of this sadness and confusion. You've given D a pretty good chunk of your life, already.. I think it's time to think of YOU and what YOU truely want. Do not acquiesce to other people's (D) selfishness. If he didn't leave his wife for you, before...then really, will he do it in 8 month's time? Please give that some thought. I feel that sometimes too much of a woman's identity comes from a needy attachment to some man, she feels guilt and angst over finally saying goodbye to. Don't allow D's words to be connected to your sense of self-worth. Say a final goodbye to him and move into a happy future with J. Good luck in your decison, hun.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (12 September 2008):
 Wow. you are in a tough predicament. It's a hard decision that only you can make. But by reading your story,If i were you I would give J a chance and just remain friends with D.
Although D is your first love, sometimes you have to move on. It's hard to let go, but you have to think about your future. D had 18 years to leave his wife and be with you.
Why now? There is no guarantee in love and things might not work out with J. But what if you never gave it a chance?
Will you wonder what could've been?
If D is your best friend he would understand and be there for you like you were there for him when he was married with his wife.
Whatever the case, this is a tough situation.
There is no "right" way. Each path is a lesson in life and love. But you have to choose the path and the person that is best and good for you.
Can an incarcerated, married man who is 30 years your senior who took your virginity be really good for you?
These are question you have to ask.
And did you notice that when you thought your relationship with D ended, a great man comes into your life?
Maybe you were open to it and ready for a new love.
Sometimes you have to let the past go to embrace the future
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