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How do I overcome this stupid feeling of hurt knowing that he watches porn?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 November 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2008)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

So some may think im over thinking and some may feel what i feel... but its just something that always seems to bug me here and there thought i'd see if i can get any advice or see what others think...

my husband of 2 yrs watches occasional porn and i'll admit i watch and hav watched porn here and there as well... when i know he watches porn it doesnt bug me but at the same time it does...a feeling of hurt gets mixed up in my head...why does it always confuse me... i know that guys watch porn and its just a guys thing..does anyone know how i feel? i guess what i really need help with is how do i overcome this stupid feeling! i need help accepting the fact that its okay i love and trust my husband , but why does it hinder me back and forth...

i would appreciate guys views on this... reply back as if your spouse/girlfriend/fiance would have posted this... thanks much!

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A male reader, sommerslover United States +, writes (13 December 2008):

sommerslover agony auntMy wife and I look at porn as if looking at the same thing we do in the bedroom. The only difference is it is not us on the screen. We pick out dvds that show the same sex acts that we like to do. Watching this prompts us to do what the couple on the screen are doing. It's all in how you look at it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008):

As a young male, I can reassure that even for the insanely hormonal, interest for having sex with, and interest for having a relationship with are two entirely different realms.

You should regardless though bring this up with him before it becomes a serious issue.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008):

My boyfriend watched porn and had to hide it while he was married. But since being with me and me being a liberal minded person and him knowing I watch it with or with out him makes him not feel like he has to hide it or feel like he needs to watch it...He is more sensetive to me and wont watch it unless I want to barely at that. He gets jealous when I want to watch it or joke about watching it....

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A female reader, Kathh United Kingdom +, writes (29 November 2008):

Kathh agony auntYour confusion I think is that for us woman sex is linked to feelings whereas a man can 'get off' thinking about anyone but will only actually make love to his partner.

It could be a trust thing? Have you thought of talking this over with a counsellor?

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (29 November 2008):

eddie agony auntOne of the first things you admit is that you also watch porn occasionally. There is your answer. Porn, for some people, can be sexy. Others don't like it. Some people like to be watched having sex, others like to be the voyeurs. Some like group sex, others don't. It is just another avenue of sexual satisfaction. The fact he watches from time to time is all about him, not you.

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