A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm not a bad looking guy; I'm just angry all the time. Nobody really knows that I'm angry. It's not like I walk around growling, breaking things and shaking my fist at little kids. The problem is that when it comes time to be happy or talk to somebody my hate for the world gets in the way. I can be really funny and outgoing but that's if you're a really close friend or somebody I feel completely comfortable with. If you're someone I don't know your only hope is to catch me in a good mood because otherwise I won't socialize...and wouldn't you know it, 9 times out of 10 I'm in a bad mood. Don't get me wrong, I don't put it on anyone or need help with it; I'm not a social moron. Surprisingly, I can be very charming when I put my mind to it - but it's fake. Fake smile, fake laugh, fake sentiment - fake fake fake fake. Oh, it looks real alright, if I'm not careful I might actually start believing I'm some happy go lucky idiot - wouldn't that be something? then I'd be really confusing to everyoneI'm a 20 year old virgin. I don't care about sex. I actually kind of like being a virgin, oddly enough, and I would love to find some one with values and morals. I've gotten offers from girls in the past but I've turned them down because of how skank they are. I'm a proud person and I don't want used goods. I'd prefer to meet a girl who is also a virgin but that's probably never going to happen. I might settle for less under the right circumstances though if they were a good person. I want a REAL relationship...long term. I don't buy that fairy tale garbage so I'm prepared to do all the work to make it work buuuut I guess that makes me a crowd of one. Where can I meet some women with moral fiber? The events in my past cause me no end of frustration and anger. How can I cope with the anger and the hate that I feel towards the world? I used to be happy once - I used to be a completely different person but that was ages ago and even the memory of it seems more and more like a distant dream.I'm in college at the moment - there are plenty of girls but none of interest in my classes. I'm not shy, approaching them isn't the problem( well, maybe it is kinda depending on my mood) but just letting go of everything long enough to be me again is hardest part. Just to make it clear I'm perfectly happy and carefree when I finally get to know some one. I don't drag any one down...I just can't meet new people easily...as you can Imagine the friends I have are pretty patient. I'm not sure what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): The "used goods" comment in this a question was a little harsh. But the O.P.'s virginity preference itself does not deserve to be torn down. There are some perfectly healthy reasons to prefer a virgin partner. It's not for most people but it is fine for some. The O.P. has held up his half of the deal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): Hi
What you should do is read your own post and see what YOU project to the outside world (the one you hate), it is actually not very good. I hope as you grow older you grow love inside you....it need not come from the world but from you. You see fake and hate it, but this should not make you HATE it.... fake is illusion.
You make one big mistake from an ILLUSION virginity!!!!
This (in my opinion ) does not make the person ( virgin ) a better person than anybody else or make them more godly.
You see a world full of sin which is sad at such an age, at your age all i could see was fun and a world that had both good and bad, but i chose to SEE the beauty in the world and in the people i met. If you have a girlfriend who is a true friend to you, what does it matter if she is not a virgin....you say you are proud and do not want used goods...i say this is FALSE pride the very word YOU DESPISE so think on before judging others.
I hope you see the inner landscape clearer...certain thngs belong to you AND THE WORLD CAN NOT BE BLAMED FOR your moods,anger, hatred, judgment, pride, etc! change your inner world and you'll see a better place.
I wish you well
Spunky monkey :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): Nobody complains when a female virgin refers to sexually active males as "used goods". Many times they get supported for that opinion and told to hold out for what they want and deserve.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (20 November 2010):
 I am absolutely astonished to read about you. Believe it or not, you are uncannily similar to what I used to be but, I am trying to change.
Scratch the surface of an oblivious facade of a persona and you will find that the spirit underneath runs far deeper. I meet people everyday, I talk to them for a living, I get to know a little about them and no matter how dumb or anhedonic they seem at first, there is always something deeper and something more beautiful to be found. Put your hatred aside for a day that shall never come and try to grasp what crumbs of beauty you find in the world.
Try meeting women in a bookstore or a cafe, places you are bound to find interesting people. Go around and try meeting them anywhere. For once, just go out and meet THEM, try to get to know THEM instead of waiting patiently for them to meet you, while that is all well and good, it has clearly not worked as well as you hoped.
Press the bad moods until they are but molding ooze in the precipice of your heart and mind. It will go away once you stop deluding yourself into unreasonable hatred. Trust me.
I hope that helps.
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