A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I recently separated coming out of a 17 years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse; i now see myself as a strong independent woman with a respectable career and i believe no one looking at me could really guess what I'm coming out of. Now I wasn't looking for any other men at all; just needed to recoup as far as I'm concerned. But last week a chance meeting with a college going through divorce; he was very intrigued by my story and we ended up kissing he kept saying I was gorgeous; something I haven't really heard/assiciated myself with. next night we ended up sleeping as he looked me in the eyes and said I want to have sex with you; but the problem is I really genuinely like him and that to me wasn't casual sex; it's been a while since a man genuinely cared for me and I am touched. He says he's fond of me but his life's a mess so he can't afford to get into a serious relationship; but neither can I so we're fine on that. Now I'm confused as to how to take this from here so I don't lose him..as in while I'm happy to have sex with him, I do want him to know that it's because it's him and not coz am fast/slutty. I want to be nice to him without scaring him away..he worries that this means more to me and he's backed off since he already has plenty dependants from past marriage. So first meeting we kissed, second we slept, third he thought I'm into him and he's leading me on so he met me but didn't touch me although he wanted a kiss at least, fourth 'meeting I told him not to worry and I want nothing from him and we spent the entire night together, and fifth will be on Monday...how to keep him interested and happy not wanting to run away but wanting to meet up:-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2013): He has made it clear that, for him, it's very casual. You have said the same. All well and good. Is there a tiny bit of you that suspects you'll fall for him? If so, be wary as heart break is around the corner. But if you want to see him. Be friendly, but don't always be available. Don't look as if you are waiting for him to call. Show him you are an independent woman. That's not always easy if you enjoy his company, but if you don't want him to run for the hills it is how you have to play it. However, don't end up getting used.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 May 2013):
 You already said you are not looking for relationships right now so it is up to him how to handle this. Your continued meetings, together with a detached attitude will show him that not all women are emotional sheep to be protected from predators. FWBs can work out between mature adults who can handle a sudden termination of the affair.
When you say you genuinely like him you got me concerned because that doesn't sound casual at all. You need to be very clear and honest about what you want. You can genuinely like the bedroom experience but at other times of the day you shouldn't miss him or worry about who he's been with. You can't say you want nothing from him to keep him interested then secretly want him when you are alone. Men like him are plenty, so you shouldn't be afraid of losing him.
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