A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, i felt it would be better to post this here, because i'm worried that if i ask any adults i know that they'll tell the cops or parents or whatever. Anyway, my really good friend is in a bit of trouble, i think. She used to be a really good girl, she's a virgin and the furthest she's gotten with boyfriends was making out, she never smoked, drank, or anything like that. She said she was quite against it, actually.But recently, i found out that she tried ecstasy with some new friends she made. And she's only 17, and now she's dating a guy that just turned 20, who lost his license for having marijuana in his car. He's also a big drug user, and kind of.. gets around. And i think he's a bad influence on her, and i don't want to see her life get ruined.Right now, i know that she has cigarettes in her purse that her boyfriend buys for her (they smoke together) and i think they have plans to do ecstasy again soon.I was just wondering if there was any way i could help her without getting her or her boyfriend in trouble. I just want my good friend back :c Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much! I talked to her about it and she said that she and her boyfriend haven't had sex yet, and that he knows she won't take anything worse than E.
They aren't going to break up, but she promised me that she would be good. She still smokes occasionally, and does E maybe once a month. But I'm okay with that, as long as she's being safe when she does it.
Thanks for your help both of you!
A
female
reader, kahlan  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 The only thing you can do is sit down with her at a time when you know tou'll have privacy and tell her how worried you are about her. Tell her you're worried that she's being influenced by her boyfriend, and that you don't want to see her dragged down with him.
When you say he's a "big drug user" what kind of drugs are you talking about?If it's heavy drugs, it is so easy to start experementing, then before you know it it's all you're thinking about - and believe me, i know what i'm talking about!
She perhaps doesn't see anything wrong with a joint or an eccy tab, but that can lead on to the harder stuff. Not everybody does go on to the harder stuff, but if the boyfriend is taking all sorts, then he will probably lead her astray. When you say he kind of gets around, does that mean he's a bit of a male tart? If so and he messed her about, that would hopefully be ideal, as i don't think you should bad mouth him to her too much, as it might push her towards him more, and could even cause an argument between you. She might think "What's the fuss? It's only an E, and i'm not even taking them all the time".If thats the case, google a girl called Leah Bets(Hope i,ve spelt that right),and show you're friend. It happened in Britain years ago.
You're a good friend, and its early days yet, but if the worst happens, you wont help her by being there for her every time she's in trouble. If that time comes, tell her you care about her, but can't watch while she destroys her life, but if she decides to straighten out, thats when you'll be there.
This is worst case senario im talking about here. Hopefully she'll realise the guys an idiot who probably goes out with younger lassies, as theres more of a chance they'll look up to him, and end it herself.
But it is her choice, all you can do is advise her.I hope she listens.
All the best of luck to you both
Love Kahlan.
XXX.
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A
female
reader, AgonyAuntJ +, writes (17 August 2010):
 There are a few things you can do in a situation like this, but you must always remember that at the end of the day, she is her own person and there is only so much you can do.
I have been in a similar situation. Eventually i decided to report it to the police because my friends safety was my main concern. At first she was so mad i thought id lost her forever, but soon she saw that id helped her and to this day we are still best friends.
My point here is that sometimes, as i have said to others, you HAVE to be cruel to be kind. Ecstasy can KILL. She may suffer serious injuries, fits/seizures or even death if she continues to take ecstacy. A girl was in the paper about a year ago for dying from taking just HALF a tablet. Everyone's body is different and there is no telling how she may react to these drugs.
If you cant successfully help her by some of the other suggestions im going to make, then perhaps calling the police is your only option.
Ok, so other options. Although you dont want her to get into trouble, or her boyfriend, you might want to consider telling an adult. Her mum or dad, maybe? Even yours. They might be able to knock some sense into her by talking to her alone. Sometimes that is all people need, a real talk to make them see how theyre putting their lives in danger. And getting this talk from someone they have known all their lives, or loved all their lives, can be a really strong way of helping them see the error of their ways.
If you're not willing to talk to a parent, well have you tried talking to her yourself? If you are as close to her as you say then perhaps all she really needs is a best friend to do it. Its amazing what a good motivational speech can do!
If neither of these work of you dont want to risk telling an adult/parent, then perhaps ring a drug helpline. There are numbers you can call where you can stay completely anonymous and just speak to someone on the phone about the problem. You can find them by simply searching the internet, there are loads. See what information and advice they offer.
As for the 20 year old boyfriend of hers, he is DEFINITELY a bad influence and she needs to ditch him asap. He will only cause trouble, that i can promise.
If you really want to help her, you musnt be scared about hurting her or losing her. Because sometimes that horrible feeling of guilt you feel from "snitching" is worth it when that person comes back to you and says thankyou, you changed my life. believe me.
My advice would be to talk to her first, then if she doesnt change, try giving the drug helpline a call. If that doesnt work then you just need to somebody, it's as simple as that. But still remember that there is only so much you can do and once you have done it all, you can say to yourself "i done all i could" and that itself, is the best you can do. If you understand what i mean.
Best of luck.
- AAJ.
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