A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Guy Asked me to get married in the most romantic way and yet here I am 2 months later asking for help.. He was married before, although that ended badly they talk (which in my opinon is a good thing At least for the kids and the new wife (me) and then he hits me with a boomb that he is not sure, well when are we ever sure???? like to know that one and also how to handle my new present situation.... We have live together almost 3yrs... why has he up rooted myself and my children from another county and then try to me he's not sure I so know what I would say (****-***) Bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!CARABUTTERFLY Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): Personally, I don't believe in being patient over little bouts of cold feet and hedging--he either wants to be with you or he doesn't. Plain and simple. And added to that..his little indecisions are affecting not just your life but your children's lives as well. You both are in your mid-30's here..obviously both have you have been around the block as far as being mature and understanding committments/marriage and what it takes to be in a meaningful relationship. It's not such a bad thing is it? I find it an amazing, myself. But if he is not ready after 3 years, of you living together and making a family with him, then he is not ever going to be 'ready'. You now have to decide if you and your kids have been strung along, here. Now while you may not be ready to walk away just yet, it may be in your best interests to prepare for that outcome. So what do you do? You deserve to be respected and he needs to grow up, be an honest man and tell it to you straight. He needs to make a decision either way. YES or NO. What ever his final answer is...then you will know what to do. But if the man won't commit...then you make a decision based on what is best for YOU and your children. Good luck dear and take care of you and your children.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 Is it cold feet, or he is really unsure that he wants to marry you? There is a difference. He might just have nerves because he already has one ex wife. If he is unsure becuase he fears another divorce, that is more than understandable, then as the other agony uncle states, just set the date.
If he is not sure he wants to marry YOU, then start making arrangements to move out on your own.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (17 October 2007):
Ask him to set the date. Then make a decision on what to do next.
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