A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,My boyfriend is 30 and I am 32. We are in a long distance relationship. He has a good job and a house he owns. He has lived on his own for 10 years and is used to his own space, never lived with a girlfriend before.He wants me to move into his. We've been together a year. This means moving jobs, my friends and leaving my own home (I also own my own place) to live in his town.I came back from staying over for a week recently. He wanted to tidy up the house but when we started he would not let me tidy anything inside the house. He also did not seem to actually tidy up - looked exactly the same after he finished. It isn't terrible but it is a full house and he has piles of magazines and notebooks etc everywhere. He has plenty of space so these could easily go back on shelves etc but he does not want to. I have downsized as much as I can but there is currently not enough room for me to move in my stuff at all. I don't see how I can feel happy in that environment. I would feel like a lodger in our home. What do I do? Insist he moves house so we can rent somewhere together? It seems like yet another thing to have to sort just so we can live together and a lot less secure and expensive than owning. Is it possible to somehow work with him to get him to help him learn to share his existing space? Ask him to get rid of 50% of furniture and stuff so there is room for mine?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 January 2016):
 If you move into his house without this issue being discussed or resolved you will simply become just another part of his "stuff".
He needs to recognise that you are part of a partnership .... and as such he needs to recognise your "stuff" requires space as much as his does.
If he is unwilling to negotiate on this you will be moving into his house ........ which will mean his house, his rules, where he has the final say on everything.
He needs to acknowledge you are giving up your job, your home and being close to your friends to move in with him. Ask him what he is giving up to facilitate your living together. All you are asking is that he removes some of his stuff so that some of yours will be accommodated.
The two of you need to sit down and discuss what needs to be kept and what can go into storage or be sold.
You and your boyfriend need to sit down with beverage of choice and go through furniture and other items one by one to determine what stays in is house and what is moved from yours .......
Good luck, I think there is a long road to travel yet before you can move in
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2016):
 This is a tricky situation as I am sure at the minute he looks at it as his home as he has put it together, so I could understand why it would not feel like home for you as well.
There has to be a compromise somewhere, have you discussed your long term future? What you plan to do with your place? It could be a case that you both rent a place and maybe rent out your homes. These are things you need to discuss with him.
He seems to be set in his way at his house you need to sit down and tell him how you feel and meet with a compromise where you are both happy.
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