A
male
age
30-35,
*ndreaJV08
writes:I've a crush on my TA for quite some time now. Throughout the semester, I'd take advantage of her office hours constantly and is always willing to help me (though I know this is her job to do so), so we know each other by name and face. We already have a minor friendship going on right now, but I want to try and escalate it further, and by that I mean not jump into the dating scene quite yet, but get to know her a bit more, but lately I've had conflicting thoughts.She's 3 years older than me and I've been letting that get to my head -- actually, I've just been overanalyzing all of this too often that it depresses me into thinking I've no chance with her, but I've never felt like this with anyone else, perhaps I'm being too idealistic right now. Currently, I'm home for winter break and each day is going by terribly slow and it aches to be away from her and the Uni, and that she's in Brazil visiting family right now. I've thought about e-mailing her just to know how she's doing and hope she's having a good time, though I don't know whether this would be a good idea or not.I'm aware of the Uni's policies regarding TA/student dating, which only applies to when I'm enrolled in a class she's "TA-ing in", which I am no longer. She apppears to be single, since she brought up her personal life on occasion during the semester and has not once mentioned a boyfriend or anything of the sort, and does not appear to be married/engaged (no ring present). Before break, I asked her out to coffee or lunch sometime before or after the semester starts so I can get to know her professionally, but I've never told her that I also wanted to get to know her personally as well, should I tell her this next time I see her? I normally don't have trouble talking to girls, but this one in particular is captivating. She's beautiful, both in and out, charismatic yet quiet, intelligent, independent, devoted to her field and yet carefree. How do I go about making my next move?
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male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (22 December 2010):
Well, hey, if you're the bold type then go for it. I myself am more comfortable getting to know her on a friendship level and in turn allowing her to know me better. Once we establish that deeper connection, its much easier for me to make the move.
But I know plenty of guys who are much better at being up front about it.
I suggest you really hold her up to that coffee "date." If/When you meet up, try and steer the conversation away from her "professional" side and try and make the questions more personal; like you're really interested in getting to know who she is. Hopefully she'll pick up those signs and react to them. Sometimes women like men taking the reigns and being up front; some don't.
Find out her type and go for it :) Luck.
A
male
reader, AndreaJV08 +, writes (21 December 2010):
AndreaJV08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLovelessAct1:
We haven't yet. I asked her if she'd be interested in lunch or coffee sometime whenever she and I get back to the Uni (January 13-15); she said yes, but we've to look at each other's class/work schedule to find a perfect time to do so.
As far as flirting goes, we haven't progressed that far, unfortunately. The most we've done is a bit of joking here and there and talking non-school related topics on occasion. Her body language has been somewhat positive lately (leaning forward, eye contact, smiling, open palms, and occasional hair-twirling), and I'm trying to work on my using my body language to give her that same message.
We share no mutual friends right now (with the exception of 2 other TA's) since I just moved to this school at the start of the semester.
I might just use your advice on being bold. The fact that I was only being 1/2 honest when I told her that I wanted to get to know her professionally has been bothering me this entire time, and I prefer to just tell her this face-to-face rather than using the school e-mail.
I've never been in a relationship before, so I obviously suck at the game, but I've never met anyone who resembles my ideal woman so closely (though I could be going too fast with those thoughts) that it's almost a "I have to have her" feeling. Thank you.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (21 December 2010):
Did you go out for that coffee yet? If not, what did she say? If yes, how did it go?
You need to really analyze how interested she might be. Is there ever any flirting, or at the very least, joking around when you're with her? Sometimes those attitudes say much more than words can.
If you feel spending more time on a personal level is a bit too far, try inviting her to do something with a group. If you happen to share any mutual friends, exploit that and plan something that involves a good group of people. As you mingle, you can get to know her better in a "stress free" environment.
Or if your bold, just ask her to go out for that coffee and admit that you'd really like to get to know her more. It honestly depends on your personality and what you perceive her reaction would be. I'm sure you can decide something! Good luck.
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