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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm trying to get my head around being dumped. My now ex boyfriend and i were together for quite a few months and i loved him inside out. I knew he had problems from the start with alchol as i had heard from his friends about last christmas him spending over £1500 in the pub on himself. He wont accept help from anyone, especially myself and if i ever said anything negative he always said i nagged. We had a lot of issues to deal with during our relationship like him being away for long periods of time with the army and he had a motorbike accident which was very serious he had his spleen removed and his kidney (which will be checked in the next few weeks), is possibly not working. He was under a lot of stress but i could never say anything to help him, if i made a comment he thought i was nagging and the excessive drinking made me very worried. By the end of the relationship he would be very irritable all the time and we would have petty arguments which used to get out of hand and me going away in a huff. The last little argument we had ended up on him telling me he didnt want to be with me anymore. I rang him the next day and he was telling me all about what a good time he was having now i wasnt nagging like his mother does.I'm so gutted, i was avery good, understanding and patient girlfriend and i feel its all gone to waste. And i don't think he even cares. I cant understand why the day before he dumped me he told me how much he loved me whilst laying in bed whilst having sex with me.Very upset :-(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): well my boyfriend and i have recently broke up, he dumped me on aim!..we were fighting because he was wid a girl and lied about it..then he is on the phone wid one of my best friends like ervynight and she the first one he i/ms...and now her and her b/f broke up he is tellin me he loves me and he wants to be wid me..even though he said he dont wanna be together cuz his mom is havin promlems and he gotta have time for her and he was a big jerk to me blamin everything on me and idk what to do i been talkin to him but i want him to regret what he did..what should i do?
A
female
reader, lost N love +, writes (29 November 2005):
I totaly understand how you are feeling I have gone through the same thing with my ex I belive the alcohol has a lot to do with it. Any one who can do that to thier own body I belive does not love themselves and there for are not capable of loveing others. Unfortuneitly alcohol comes frist
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (29 November 2005):
 Hi,Poor you, you sound like a lovely girl, but for some reason are tied to an abusive boyfriend. You do sound like a very understanding and patient girlfriend, and I wish there was more girls like you where I live.Unfortunately for you this guy is bad news. You are not going to have a happy relationship with this guy, because if he doesn’t appreciate you now, and treats you this way, and you accept it - it is never going to improve.I suppose you are just asking for how to get over him. Well don’t think you deserve the way he treated you, and do NOT think that being even NICER is going to improve his attitude - it isn’t. If you try that tactic with him, he will just learn that he can treat you as BAD as he wants, and you will respond by being even NICER. Do you see the potential pattern evolving here?You seem like such a ‘giver’. You say ‘WE’ had a lot of issues to deal with, yet they seemed to be concentrating on the problems he brought to the relationship, that you helped him with. Has he ever been there for you in your time of need? Oh, we do have one example, you were emotionally hurt enough to ring someone after he dumped you, so he responds by saying how happy he is, and taking one last opportunity to insult you.I see what you mean by gone to waste – every bit of energy you put into this relationship is going to be a waste, so cut your losses. If you stayed with this guy for another year, he would abuse you, drink himself into more trouble, and you will break up a year down the line an emotional wreck.So be happy that you are out – it could be worse, you still have this year ahead of you, which could be in a relationship a lot more rewarding, and a lot less destructive.Now, some advice from a strictly male perspective: When a guy tells you he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, he means it. We don’t play mind games, we aren’t that intelligent. Another thing: most guys will say all kinds of things if the chance of sex is there, and he sounds like one of them types of guys. A guy could seriously say he loved a prostitute after sex, it doesn’t necessary mean that he does love her, just that he loved (having sex with) her. Don’t fall for the ‘pity’ trick either (I have been under stress etc), he will try that one you too, so be ready for it. It’s not your responsibility to make this guy happy to the detriment of your own happiness.So, I know you are upset, I would be if I gave that much and got nothing in return. So, as I say, cut your losses, he will get the life he deserves, and I hope you will soon get the loving partner you deserve.Best of luck!
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