A
female
age
41-50,
*eart07
writes:How do I get over someone I am in love with when I know that he obviously doesn't feel the same. We have a kid together but we have been broken up since before he was born. I've been in lo with him for all of my adult life (9 yrs.). I'm tired of hurting and I deserve to be happy. What can I do when I feel like I've done everything? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 Hi,
I wish I could hug you, I know how you feel,
I think the below advice is very good and I am going to remember it myself,
Life can be pretty hard sometimes – and unfortunately whether we deserve happiness or not has little bearing on whether we will actually receive it,
In your situation I think the only thing for you to do is try to meet someone else who can make you happy,
I would like to believe that it is possible to love again – even if you love someone now, surely it must be possible to feel the same way about someone else in the future,
You have been in love with someone for 9 years – but you have 50 years of love left to give, and I am sure that 20 years into that – these last 9 years will seem a lot smaller than they are now – and they wont be ‘all your adult life’,
I guess you just have to hold on long enough, and hopefully someday (not too far away) someone else will cross your path that you can love, and who will love you in return,
Until then you just have to get through each day as best you can,
If you have done everything to make it work with this other person – now try to do everything for yourself,
Get yourself in shape, go out with friends when you can, try to prepare yourself for the moment that then this new person walks into your life that you will feel ready for it, that you will have the confidence then to believe that you deserve this second chance at happiness,
Try to stay positive, it does help,
Good luck to you
A
male
reader, Cag Lee "Apollo" Adarma  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 Hey Heart,
well this is a common misconception that we deserve happiness. Happiness is not something that comes with life-Its not something that is our right. Happiness is a privilige of realisation.
So in saying that the only advise that can be given is about coming to that realisation.
Love is the ugliest word in the human language. Unlike any emotive word it is both negative and positive simultaneously. You miss the idea of his love, the ideal of togetherness built over a decade, and the love that could have been made in a family unit for you and your kid but you must come to the realisation that is not your reality.
Also, love never stops, don;t wait to 'get over him'. You are not a robot, you cannot wipe your memory clean. Memories of loss stay with us for a reason- to hurt us and to teach through that pain.
Don't get OVER move FORWARD. Don't let the past eat away at your present and your future. I know this must be hard because he's still in your life as the father of your child- but its an imperative to your personal growth AND that of your child that you grow with this experience.
Peace and God Bless
The Capt
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