A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok..here is it....i have been with this guy for about 11yrs now...things are not good....we are not married, because he says i have an bad attitude..oh well...he always has an excuse of why i have not gotten a ring after all this time....there have been problems between us for years now...i say about 4-5 yrs....now we argue like crazy and in front of the children...i want it to be over because of all the problems between us...and i see this relationship moving no where fast.....i feel like i have wasted a lot of years of my life with this man.....now he cant accept the fact that i want it to be over. he keeps using our son as an excuse for him staying...i mentioned that should be the reason he should go...this relationship is not healthy for our son...constant arguing, cursing at one another, total disrepect for one another. how can i break this off with him...so that it wont get ugly???? i need to get my head straight...he has done nothing encouraging for me or with me...he doesnt support me in anything i decided to do...jsut always yelling or nagging about somebody playing him out or something...i dont get it...help!!! im not happy with him and havent been for some time now......i need this to be over...but some are saying its not fair to my son...what about me...!!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 Damn... just leave him!! He's using your son as leverage for you to not leave him and that's just despicable. My folks divorced when I was 2 and I turned out ok... right? Didn't I? Oh god! Somebody hug me!!
....
Seriously, you sound tortured and miserable. Staying together so your son has a father figure seems to be your main morale dilemma. But your son is going to learn how relationships work from observing you and your husbands dynamic. Do you really want him to grow up thinking that constant yelling, fighting and disrespecting your partner is ok?
Anybody who is saying that its not fair on your son is obviously not seeing you and your husband at your worst.
I really hope you find the strength to leave him...
Best of luck :)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 I follow what others have said in similar situations: it is better for your child to have you happy than to have you miserable. I say leave. You are not married anyway so it's not like you promised him you'd stay. If he doesn't like it.. too bad, he should have proposed years ago before things got ugly.Take back your freedom and find happiness! Sure it sucks a bit for you son, no one likes change to be forced upon them, but kids grow up these days with parents split up and they turn out fine. He might find it easy or hard to adjust depending on his personality.As for your boyfriend... you don't want to be with him, simple as that. So better to leave before he sucks all life out of you.
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A
female
reader, precious1 +, writes (21 May 2010):
oh my ..i feel like u just explain my life..i am going through almost the same exact thing..except we been 2gether 5yrs and we have a daughter!....11yrs and not married yet! is a waste of u'r time and life...you deserve to be happy and i know it is easier said than done...you wish u could both walk away without any drama or trouble,but sorry it does not work that way ..if it did i would be away from mine by now...he is too comfortable with how things are and knows u will be fine without him...and maybe he won't be as well without you, so he's not gonna let you out so easy...sad to say there are going to be hard times but you must withstand them if you really want out! plot and plan an escape...where it wont too hard for you on your own..because he will try to make it difficult for you to survive without him so you'll think you need him when you really don't! he'll even try to get to your emotions by saying things like he can't live with out you ...or all he has is you...especially if your soft hearted like me. but kids are very smart and your son knows you are not happy..the man does not matter....u and u'r child does...this is not a healthy situation..you don't want your son to grow up and treat women the way his father treats you! ...i say do what u need to do and get out while u still can....don't waste another 11 yrs....they will slip by fast.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Well, from what you describe, things are already ugly. It's not fair to your son to pull him away from witnessing such things as open disrespect, cursing and no-doubt heated arguments between his parents? Heavens! Why would anyone want to remove a child from such an environment?If you need this to be over, I suggest you just make it over and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): The way things stand at the moment, are not good for your son.There probably isn't an easy way to end things, it just has to be done. Once you have parted ways, things will settle down and you HAVE to learn to to be civil to each other, if nothing else for the sake of your son. You son will still see his dad and much more happier memories of the two of you and his childhood.
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 It is perfectly fair to your son, he is growing up with parents who arent in love. Personally, i would never have a child outside of wedlock but thats just my personal opinion. He sounds self centered and hes using his son as an excuse to stay with you. You should tell him to leave and if he refuses then im sorr but its going to have to get ugly. But no matter what people say it would be better for your son to grow up with you as a single parent than to be brought up in a mentally unhealthy zone. For your sons sake get out of the relationship. Good luck :) x
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A
male
reader, RyanS +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Unless he loves your son a lot and helps him like a father, you move out. A single happy mother is better for the son than a constant fighting parents who don't want to resolve.
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