A
male
age
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*ave_inFl
writes:Sorry this is a pathetic request for advice because I am just so lost in this relationship.I met this amazing woman through my kids.She is just a few years younger than me but looks 20 years younger (yes I am that old!). Even up close she could almost pass for my daughter. But surprisingly :) she seems to genuinely like me.We have loads of things in common and can talk for hours. We have gone out on dates, text a lot etc etc.But nothing beyond kissing on the cheek.However she has this emotional barrier up that I can't seem to get around. I have gradually realized that she is an exotic dancer and at one point where I just hinted at this she got an almost instant panic attack, didn't see me for a week, has never mentioned it again, but also she never yelled 'how could you think such a thing !' at me.So I think that 1) She can't risk her kids finding out (we met through our kids youth sports) so doesn't want me to know.2) She doesn't want me to know her profession because she is close to retiring and doesn't want it to follow her.3) She knows that most men don't respect strippers and so doesn't want to see how I will react once I know for sure.4) That maybe I am just having a mid-life crisis and need to move on.Anyway...any advice is welcome, especially if you are in this industry. But what I really want to know is how do I let her know I know without triggering another panic attack or perhaps driving her away completely.
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male
reader, Dave_inFl +, writes (24 September 2014):
Dave_inFl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDeidre, yeah I am pretty certain, but you are right, I don't know for sure.
Though...lol...of all the jobs a woman can be ashamed of that's probably the best one for it to be !
This is a cool site...an answer from Great Britain and an answer from Eire.
Thank-you.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (20 September 2014):
Are you sure she is an exotic dancer? Are you sure she isnt doing some job that isnt so risque, but perhaps a humble job that shes ashamed of? I would simply get to know her better, ask her out on dates, without mentioning the job issue at the moment. And no you dont sound pathetic, it is better to sound it out when you're in doubt :)
best of luck x
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A
male
reader, Dave_inFl +, writes (19 September 2014):
Dave_inFl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer Baby Doll. You made me do some soul searching because that's a great question. Why do I want her to know I know ?I think it is because I am a really simple person. I love that feeling with a person where you can relax and be yourself.Since she had this panic attack she has really limited what she talks to me about. Like she is being really careful not to reveal anything. I don't like it when certain topics are off the table. I can't even talk about my job because it will make it obvious that her job is not a topic for conversation. I also see her right after work sometimes and she is obviously exhausted and I wish I could somehow be there for her but I feel I can't even comment on it.She tells me it has been many years since she had a relationship because men all end up being such weirdos.I think there is possibly a lot of pain/trouble hidden behind that statement.I have this horrible fear that if I get any more involved then she is one day just going to tell me to get lost and I will be the one drinking wine, eating buckets of Cherry Garcia and watching re-runs alone. Phew. lol.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2014): Technically you don't actually know because she's never admitted it to your face.
You're obviously not phased by this possibility and that's great, people shouldn't be, it's a job at the end of the day. But why do you need to push the issue of her knowing that you believe you know? Why not just let her get on with her life and accept that she'll tell you when she's ready to tell you?
If you keep pushing the issue then she's either going to get offended that you think she is an exotic dancer, or she's going to be embarrassed and avoid you.
Maybe confronting her in even a subtle way about her job isn't the best idea.
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