A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've done something I'm not very proud of, I have been seeing this guy for a while and I really really like him but when it comes to us getting close I always sort of keep my distance and it's only because I don't have much experience and he can probably tell, I am getting more use to us touching and kissing etc. but he recently asked me to go down on him and I want to it's just I'm a little worried, he said it's ok if I'm not experienced but I then told this huge lie and said that wasn't the reason, I told him that I don't want to get to close because I don't want to get hurt and that the last guy I was with wasn't very nice, he was abusive and didn't find me attractive and he made me feel like rubbish and that I am flattered that he likes me because guys normally don't. I feel guilty that I told this lie and am not sure how to ac now, I don't want to take it back because in a way it's kind of true I feel like rubbish but that's because I always put myself down so that I don't get hurt. Any advice very welcome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Be honest and tell him, but say it in a way that expresses it was actually you who ran yourself down and thought you weren't attractive enough, not someone else, as you told him. Tell him you just switched you with some pretend bf that never existed, but that the way you felt was real, and that your low self esteem left you at a loss for words or expression. If he's a loving person, he'll surely understand, and he may not even care at all that you altered your description of how you came to feel that way.
A
female
reader, Keira9312  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 It is entirely understandable to feel that way. When you experience something like that, you could possibly bring another human life into the world; yes it's very scary and very serious. If you feel like you are afraid or just not ready yet, tell him. If he truly loves you he will understand how you feel. The issue also depends on how long you have been together; if you have been with him for a shorter time, you may want to get to know him better. If you've been with him for close to a year, you would surely love and trust him.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 April 2010):
 Well, if you really like this guy and you think it could lead to something serious (or even marriage) then you have to tell him the truth. And the sooner you tell him the better.
My suggestion would be to be completely honest with him. Tell him you don't have a very high self esteem, and that you panicked and told him that lie. Make sure he knows that you've felt terrible about it and haven't been able to stop thinking about it, and that you want him to know the truth because you'd like to have a future with him.
And for you, you should try to learn to be more comfortable around him. He clearly likes you so take that as a compliment. I'm not saying do whatever he wants and be his sex slave, but if he knows you and cares about you then it's ok to be more open with him.
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