A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well my gf and I had broken up almost a month ago. We dated for 2 plus years and have a child together. Recently I was caught lying to her and she ended it while upset. We went back and forth and it hadn't gone anywhere. So finally I just gave up hope and all the sudden she wanted to talk to me and go to dinner. Things went really well, including spending time together afterwords. She basically said she wanted to take it slow and not spend so much time together. She told me we would have to make plans to hang out. I told her that it felt as if she only wanted plans when her friends and family were busy. That night she told me I was still her bf and then it went to her telling me that I am not allowed to hang out with other girls I went to high school with but she can hang out with guys she went to school with. She thinks I dated all the girls I know. So the next day I basically told her that I can't continue with the back and forth things as we can't really go to slow when we have a child together. So that day went on and she asked me to take our son because she was cleaning and he was bored. so I go to pick him up and she comes out with tears in her eyes and doesn't understand why I am ending it with her because she wants time away from me. I told her that I wasn't going to be good enough only when she wants me to be and she got my son and I left. Later when it came to drop him off, she called me to say she would get him. She picked him up and didn't say anything about us to her. She left and I went on with my night. I didn't answer my phone when she called 4 hours later as I fell asleep, and she went on with messaging an calling me all night. 5AM she was still trying to get in touch with me because she couldn't sleep. I answered and she went on a rant and that was all. So I didn't say anything to her all day and right before I go to work she starts with me over the baby needing stuff. I told her I was at work and couldn't give her the money to get the stuff that minute. The fighting went on through the day in text messages with her saying she didn't care about me anymore. The next morning I dropped off his food and she came out to get it. She told me that its either she is miserable and with me or free to do what she wants and is away from me. I left it be and she later told me that she just wants to take it slow with me and not do everything together. So we kept saying we had to talk. I asked her to come over that night and she said no. So when I get out of work she shows up at my house to talk to me. We end up hanging out like things are ok. She leaves heads home. The next day we talked on and off like things were ok. She invited me to go swimming with her and my son. I said ok and we were planning it. It was too dark so she said she didn't want to go. She asked if I wanted to go to stores with her. So I finally pick them up and she tells me she is hungry. I get her something to snack on and we go to the store. Now she is telling me I am not her bf anymore and playing hard to get. I ask if she was planning on going out and she said she didn't know and that was it. So we get in the car and she tells me I am acting mad and she can go out without me. I said to her I only asked a question, you don't go out with me anymore so yes it bothers me. We get to eating and she trys to talk to me. I say well talk in the car lets not ruin dinner. So we finish eating and get in the car. I say we need to have the talk and she tells me she didn't want to. She ends up telling me that she will do what she wants when she wants and it will be without me because she can have friends and since I lied to her I should sit home alone unless she wants to be with me. She also told me that she didn't enjoy time with me. She continued to fight me so I get to her house and drop her off. She asks for a hug so I give her one and tell her this is what she wanted so she can't call me upset. I go to leave and she said she didn't want to go inside on bad terms. I told her that I felt as if I was good enough to take her out to eat, but not good enough to spend the weekend with her. We walked our own ways and she texts me 20 minutes later. Thanking me for dinner and telling me that we our on 2 different pages. She than said that she needs to be off her leash because she isn't in jail. I ignored her so she told me to have fun going out (which I wasn't). I told her that I was good enough when she wanted to spend time with me. She told me it was must be nice to do what you want when you have a kid and dont have to be there with him. I told her that she wanted this, I wanted to be there with her but she is pushing me away. I told her Its either all or nothing now and we ended it with her telling me its not what she wants. Im confused! I know a lot of things she says to me is out of anger, I just wish I knew how to end the drama.
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (15 July 2012):
 OMG...really? Just cut out all of this nonsense and talk and spend time together. What makes the difference if she only wants to spend time when friends and family are busy? Can't the girl have a life besides you? All she said was that the two of you would have to make plans to spend time together. What's so wrong with that? I have to make plans with everyone I see...including my boyfriend. You can't be nit-picking over every little thing she does. She is obviously trying to make it work with you, but if you are continually nit-picking at this and that, of course she is going to want time away from you. No offense, but I would want time away from you too. As far as the instant messaging...that kind of stuff needs to stop. You're in your 20's so stop all of this texting and IM-ing like you're 16 years old. Actually call the girl and talk to her and tell her to do the same for you. This having 24 hour access to people is WRONG. Everyone needs time to themselves and you and she do not need to be in constant communication all the time. You also need to stop playing games going out on one another. If you want to make it work, you tell the person you want it to work and you committ to that. You don't go out on the person. If she isn't willing to work with you, then I would advise you make plans to have the baby on certain days of the week and put an end to the rest of it. If she tries to engage you in drama...don't engage yourself. Be logical and mature because you are currently contributing to the drama.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): "I just wish I knew how to end the drama"
Stop acting like teenagers constantly arguing over ticky-tacky petty childish nonsense and start behaving like the responsible parents and adults you supposedly are.
Honest to God, your excrutiatingly microscopically detailed post (which I glanced over in about 10 seconds) is someting I'd expect from a fifteen-year-old. Grow up! And don't lie to her!
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