A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a question about negative thoughts towards myself. It may just be human and I am not dealing with it right , but I have always had negative thoughts towards myself . be that going for a job interview or talking to a girl or anything . If I go for a job interview I tell myself why bother I will bugger it up .with a girl just tell myself why bother I have got a low paid job , bad car and am over weight .. Heck when I had a long term girlfriend , I use to tell myself I wasn't good enough for her and she can do better . and now its getting to me , I went the gym a few years back and felt good about myself for a bit and then I gave up ..I am trying to get back into as I know its good but tell myself what a prat I am for wasting time and there is no point .I never really praise myself or feel the need to .. I know this is selfish but its doing my head in not being happy .Any advice please if possible Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): Hello guys, thanks for the advice.I've got alot of thinking positive thinking to do
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Kerin has nailed it. You need a major overhaul on how you think of yourself and why. Time for some work, be it reading self help books, therapy, counselling or whatever fits your life best.
You are viewing yourself and your life through a particularly negative prism, and I bet it doesn't tally with reality.
Have you ever told the negative voice inside you to shut up and let YOU get on with things? Might sound odd but it works.
I think you might have to delve deeply to work out what is going on, but it will be worth it.
All the best. And don't waste time, not in terms of just getting to the gym, but in terms of giving your psyche an overhaul.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Those negative thoughts of yours are quite debilitating aren’t they, they are so destructive and have a way of eroding your life away before your very eyes!? Soon you’ll be saying to yourself, “why bother getting out of bed”,” what’s the point of doing any of this”, “who cares about me anyway!?”
You give these thoughts too much power and attention, as they are controlling and sabotaging your BASIC decision making ability in life to do better for yourself; job, money, car, weight, girlfriend etc. You’ll come to avoid situations, give yourself watery excuses and soon you’ll be thinking this lifestyle of yours is perfect. Yet that’s how negative thoughts can infiltrate the mind and trick us.
Solution is, as I’ve done, you must seek group counseling in your country of origin, before you start thinking this life of yours is correct. Fact is it’s hard to break the self-persecuting cycle on your own when you’re thinking is already distorted like this; you need outside help and support.
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, Kerin  +, writes (6 May 2014):
Just by virtue of you posting your question I think you already know your low self-esteem is extremely unrealistic. You know you're engaging in self-sabotage and you know you're a much better person than you're letting yourself recognize. So what do you do about it? Recognize that you are your own worst critic and that when you feel negative thoughts about yourself you have to remind yourself that your own opinions about you are 100 times worse than anybody else's would be. Realize that you are sabotaging yourself, realize that it's you, all in your own head, that is causing most of these feelings. It's not something that you can just say to yourself, "Quit thinking like that, think positive." You have to realize WHY you're thinking like you do if you want to see those thoughts coming and shun them before they get to you.There is something in your life that has caused you to have these feelings. Maybe you didn't get enough attention as a child. Maybe a parent or sibling or childhood "friend" belittled you. Whatever it is, it's your own mind causing these thoughts and you have to realize that and then refuse to let you defeat yourself. Consider your mind the enemy for now and wage battle against negative thinking until you have won your mind over.It's not easy, it's hard, but the power of our own minds to do us harm or to make us successful is astonishing. Take charge of your mind, use it to succeed. You know you can, you just have to realize that you're not doing it and be determined to change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): You listen to the lazy side of yourself too much. If it doesn't come easy, you belittle yourself and give up.
Don't allow yourself to be a slacker. Doing only those things that require little effort or commitment. You have to challenge yourself; in order to know your potential and buildup confidence.
You listen to the inner-voice of doubt. That's the wrong voice. Listen to that voice that says, "I can do better than this!"
Challenge yourself, and see if you can stick to it until you change the outcome. If you give up without trying, that means you failed to try. Yes, you failed through self-fulfilling prophecy. You doomed yourself to failure.
Believe in yourself enough to take-on a task and see it through. Use your wits, or at least exercise your intellect to overcome doubt.
Let a challenge start with "what if?" Instead of, "it won't work!" That's your problem lazy-boy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): You say that when you went to the gym, you felt more positive about yourself. You need to set yourself realistic goals, to encourage yourself to make a plan to go and stick to it!! In terms of thoughts, I think we all have negativc thoughts from time to time. It becomes problematic if you are thinking like this all the time and its impacting on your life. Challenging your thoughts can be effective. It can be difficult to begin with. Everytime you catch yourself with a negative thought such as 'I'm not worth it', change this to 'I am worth it'. Its called self talk. Know one else needs to know that you are doing it, its challenging your own thoughts in your mind. The more you challenge negative thoughts with positive thoughts, this should increase your self esteem. When you wake up every morning, try to start the day with a positive thought 'Its going to be a good day today', for example. You can achieve anything, if you put your mind to it. Also, things you consider not worthwhile now, will be totally worth in the long term if you stick at it ( i.e. imagine how great you will feel if you manage to stick to going to the gym twice a week for 6 months??). What makes you happy in life? think back at times were you have felt content?. Life is to short to be hard on yourself. Try to build up your own self esteem/confidence and everything else will feel so much easier and fall into place. Good luck
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