A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, I am going to be 18 on the 1st of January. My parents still interfere in my life so much. I have been in a relationship for 8 months now. My boyfriend was over for dinner yesterday and we had a little argument after dinner (just the two of us, not with my parents). Before he left, we were in the kitchen with my parents and I could tell he was still upset. After he left, I went to bed. I got up this morning and while I was eating breakfast my mother started lecturing me on how rude my boyfriend is. He was a little bit rude but it was because he was upset after our argument. He isn't usually impolite. But she kept lecturing me as if his behaviour was my personal flaw. This happened with my ex too (just before she made me break up with him) when I was 16. But now I am almost a fully fledged adult and she is still interfering in my life and my relationships and makes me feel like crap all the time. We never really got on and I have researched how to make mother/daughter relationships better but nothing is working. She is constantly insulting me, invading my privacy and ruining my relationships (not just boyfriends but my friends too - when I was in 1st year of secondary school she told me I had to stay away from my bff at the time. What can I do? Is there anything I can do? I've tried talking to her but it doesn't seem to improve anything. Please help. Any advice would be much appreciated.
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): Unfortunately whether you're 18 or 28 your mum will always see you as her child! It is an inappropriate time to argue with your boyfriend when at dinner with your parents and you shouldn't expect your mum not to comment on it, it is her house and he's a guest he should want to make a good impression on your mum! You may feel your mum is interfacing but she is only telling you the truth and caring about you! If my boyfriend was rude and I knew it (even if it isn't his usual behaviour) I would apologise to my mum and admit yes he was rude and I would tell her that I'll be having a strong word with him not to act like that in her house again or he wont be invited over! I used to feel the same as you about my mum when I was 19 and my ex behaved terribly in her house and instead of apologising I defended him, looking back now I feel I was very immature
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 December 2015):
 You live at home, she sees you as a child still. (she probably always will - parents do that kind of thing).
You could let her speeches go in one ear and out the other. If she gives you USEFUL advice, consider it, if it's not useful, disregard it, but in a polite manner.
As for your BF, well... even if you two had a tiff, doesn't mean it's OK for him to be rude at dinner. And I'd tell him that. Would have been more polite for him to go home and cool off if he was mad. And while I agree... this isn't YOUR fault he acted like that and I would just point that out to your mom.
Last bit of advice. ACCEPT that this is who she is. She might be unhappy with her own life or have crazy expectations of you and she might do it out of misguided love for you - but in the end.. only YOU can live YOUR life.
IF you are in school try for a job on the side, save up so you can afford to move out at some point and BE your own person.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2015): Unfortunately as you are living under her roof she is kind of allowed to lay down the law in some ways. Although you were having an argument that didn't involve her, if she wakes up to see your boyfriend and he is being rude then she has every right to comment on this. It's her house so why should he be allowed to be rude to everybody living there. If you were arguing he should have the courtesy to treat your mother with respect when he's there.
If she thinks that he is rude then she is going to interfere a little bit.
It's difficult living with parents when you start to become an adult. I never swore, I never drank or had boyfriends until relatively late into my teens. When I started bringing my boyfriend over I remember buying a bottle of vodka for us both to drink one Christmas. She went in to my room when we went out, got the vodka and chucked it down the drain.
I was a bit mad with her but at the end of the day accepted that it was her home. I had an argument with him one day and he acted like a complete tool so she gave me a big lecture about him. But no we shouldn't have been arguing and he shouldn't have acted like a tool!
On the other hand she shouldn't be making you feel like crap about yourself. My mother made me feel embarrassed and stupid sometimes, but as I've gotten older I realised she was in a stressful place at the time. It's hard living so closely with people sometimes. Nobody is perfect and we all have our days when things irritate us and we have a melt down.
Try and just brush it off. She loves you but sometimes mothers don't know what to do for the best or say the right thing. She loves you. I have an 11 year old and I don't like that she's growing up so quick. I know I will probably say the wrong things to her and come across wrong one day but that's just life.
People argue with their boyfriends over misunderstandings etc, well a mother daughter relationship can also be the same. Don't take it too hard, just think that's how mothers can be and forget about it. Don't break up with people on her say so or cut people off, just listen to her advice and make your own decisions.
...............................
|
