A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First of all, let me say that I absolutely ADORE my mother, and for the most part, wehave a great relationship. But ever since I had my first baby just over a month ago, she has been driving me crazy. The past month has been full of visiting with family members and friends so that everybody has a chance to meet my baby girl, and my mom has been present for a lot of these visits. This is not a problem itself; the issue is her behavior during the visits. To put it simply, she seems to think that I am incapable of carrying on a conversation or answering questions about MY daughter without her assistance. For example, someone asked me how my labor went, and in the middle of me answering their question, my mom jumped in and said, "make sure you tell them about [insert part that I hadn't gotten to yet because it happened HOURS into labor and I hadn't gotten around to talking about it just yet]." A couple of times, she has even tried to tell someone exactly how I was feeling during labor (for some reason, she likes to embellish this part and make it sound like I was suffering...in reality, I got the epidural at the earliest opportunity after having only very mild contractions and had a very pleasant labor as a result, with the exception of getting sick to my stomach a handful of times and the VERY end of labor, by which point the epi had worn off quite a bit...and she was only in the room for two of those contractions before everyone was sent to the waiting room so I could deliver with just my husband in the room). If someone asks me how much my daughter weighs CURRENTLY, I barely have time to answer before my mom butts in and tells them how much she weighed at birth and how much weight she dropped in the first week before finally providing the information that was actually requested. Just yesterday, I was in the middle of telling someone how baby girl's one month checkup went, and my mom cut me off and completely took over the conversation. Now, if she was just reminding me of details that I forgot to mention, it would be a totally different story, but that's not the case. I don't have the opportunity to forget any details, because I don't even have the opportunity to voice all of the details before she's jumping in. All of the information she provides is correct, and none of it is anything I'm trying to hide. It's just that this is MY child we're talking about, and I feel that I should be able to answer any and all questions on my own. After all, I'M the one who went through labor and delivery (the latter of which was horridly unpleasant due to an epidural that had already started wearing off and the fact that baby girl tried to come out "sunny side up" and had to be turned with forceps, which resulted in me having a periurethral tear and needing stitches), so I feel that I have more than earned the right to do all the talking. I have politely explained multiple times to my mother that even though I love her and I love how excited she is about her grandchild,I would like for her to share that excitement in a different way. Every time I've done this, however, she has gotten mad and refused to even try to see my point of view. Her reasoning seems to be that it wouldn't bother her one bit if the tables were turned, so there must be absolutely nothing wrong with it, and I need to quit getting upset about it. I've started doing things like clearing my throat when she hijacks the conversation, but all she does in response is give me the evil eye like she can't believe I would ever dare to embarrass her like that.I love my mom and want her to be a huge part of my daughter's life...but I do NOT wantto spend the next eighteen years being interrupted or talked over anytime she's around and the conversation turns to my daughter. Polite explanations and subtle gestures haven't worked, and short of screaming, "Shut the hell up and butt out!" every time she jumps in, I don't know what else to do. How do I get my mom to understand that what she is doing is not okay and that I am a GROWN and married woman who is VERY in tune with her daughter (I'm a stay at home mom, so I'm with this kid 24/7) and does not require any help with discussions regarding MY child?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2019): There's two things at play here. Your mom is super excited and being over bearing and you are being sensitive because you feel like you're not getting to act like the mom, she is. But this is how grandmothers act and you're doing what new mothers do: be annoyed by how intrusive grandma is.
Don't worry you won't be dealing with this for 18 years, maybe a few more months though.
There will come a time (very soon) when no one cares that you just had a baby anymore. It'll be old news and they'll be sick hearing all the details, but you won't be sick telling them. You know who will never get sick of hearing about it? Your Mom.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 June 2019):
 Your mom is just excited, OP
She isn't doing this to piss on your parade or diminish your motherhood or stories, just REALLY eager to be PART of the story. At the end of the day, it REALLY doesn't matter who told the story. THE people there KNOWS that it was YOU you gave birth, that the baby is YOURS (and your husband's) and that GRANDMA is SUPER proud of YOU and her granddaughter.
My advice? Don't have her over EVERY time you have guests visiting.
And maybe find something for her to DO with the little one, that is JUST grandma and baby.
MAKE her feel special too.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (11 June 2019):
 I went through this with my mom with my first child. I was only 20. My mother was soooo excited since it was her first grandchild and I swear you would have thought the baby was hers! At first I felt like you but as time went on, she calmed down and was actually such a tremendous help to me. She's just really excited and so happy sweetie. Try not to get too upset with her, she means well and probably doesn't realize that she is being overbearing. As the other poster suggested, see if things calm down. IF they do not in time and you really can not deal with her acting as she is, tell her gently that you appreciate her love and enthusiasm ..etc etc..but try not to hurt your mom. Trust me, she loves you and the baby and I'm sure she isn't trying to take over or hurt you. My mom told me that when my daughter was born, my father and her were just so very excited that they felt like they had me all over again. It sounds funny but I understand what they meant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2019): Is there a good friend (or maybe two or several) that you could recruit to help you with an idea?I thought that maybe you could have someone come over and let them know ahead of time that your mom will do this. Ask the friend that when she does, tell the friend to interrupt the mom's explanation and say: " I'm sorry, I was not asking you that question and I would really like to hear your daughter's answer to it." I say that these may need to be some very good, old friends known will by your mother too, since she may be offended by her interruption being interrupted, but if this can happen to her a few times, maybe she will start to realize how that makes you feel and will make more of an effort to stop. Otherwise, I think your idea of yelling at her to "shut up and butt out" in the middle of her interruption might be the next logical step. Same result, just a little less tactful. If none of that works, you may need to ground your mom from your company for a bit, and tell her she is not allowed to come over quite as much, especially not when you have other company. That would be sort of a shame though, since you say you have a wonderful relationship other than this. I would not want you to have to do that because like you said, I think it is just a symptom of her excitement at being a new grandmother and this rude behavior will subside and hopefully wear off. Better if you can "shock" her out of it.Curious to know how this turns out for you, Please update if you can,Best and congratulations,R
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2019): Take a deep breath and relax.This is her first grandbaby.In time this will wear off.She is just so happy she cannot hold it all in.It will die down it is that it is all so new.If in a few months it does not get a sitter and go to lunch with her and really talk how her actions make you feel.You might have to set boundaries with her but do it with love and kindness.They say you never stop worrying about your children but once you have grandchildren you are never told that you will worry more.She just loves you and the baby so much so do not take it the way you are...all of this is coming from her heart and it is still very new and that is why I think in time it will work itself out.Relax.
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