A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:we have been dating for 7 years ,he had told me for several times that we will get married ,but last summer when i told him that i cant wait any more lets get married,he said "i am not ready for marriage" ,i love him so much ,and i know that he does not have other girlfriend ,please tell me how to make him accept marry me, he wants us to stay friend, our relationship is getting cold its 1 month that we havent seen eachother and just have talked on phon, please help me ,please show me a way ,(he is 29 and i am 27) Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, heartsick  +, writes (7 February 2008):
Selam! Are you both Turkish? Or are you from different cultures?
As you will already know, it's unusual in Turkey for a courtship to last so long. In fact, it's more usual for a brief dating period and a quick engagement.
Do you know what his parents think of your relationship? Have you met them?
I think 7 years is a long time not to have any commitment from him, and his answer is not enough. You need to ask him to be honest with you, and let you know why he's not ready. You also need to think hard about whether you should continue to wait. You're not happy with the situation, or you wouldn't be posting - and it would be awful to wait longer and still not get any commitment.
I don't want to worry you, and I could have misjudged the situation, but family approval is very important to most Turks - and if his family don't approve, it's possible he may never be willing to commit to you. In which case, he needs to be honest, and let ou go. Even worse, his family may want to arrange a marriage for him, as 29 is quite 'old' for a Turkish guy to be unwed. Forced marriage for a man is rare, but I have heard of a lot of guys dating a girl for years, then marrying the virgin bride arranged by his parents.
I realise that sounds harsh - but it's a common story.
I really feel for you. If you want to talk more, send me a message.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): You need to move on if he won't step up & marry you. You've been with him far long enough and you can't waste more time with him because you want to be able to find someone else before everyone else is taken!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 February 2008):
 You cannot go on forever like that, just hanging in mid air. You need to give him an ultimatum or a time frame. If he cannot abide by that time, then it is best you find another one.He can keep you waiting until you are left on the shelf.
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