A
male
age
41-50,
*piffjackson
writes:My girlfriend, who I am very much in love with, hates the feeling of being "needed" by anyone other than her 3yr old daughter. I completely understand why that would be. My question is:How do I convince her that I don't "need" her, I "want" her very much. Well, how do I do this non-verbally of course?Seems like there is a grey area between want and need in relationships.I don't get all up in her space, but I do love cuddling with here, which is something else she isn't all that fond of. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, spiffjackson +, writes (3 April 2007):
spiffjackson is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks to both of you for the insight. Yeah, her ex-husband, who is not the father of her child, was a cocaine and heroin addict. If you don't know already, that means he was wishy washy and he was unable to have any kind of emotions at all. He also had a violent side to him. Here daughter's father is in jail for a long time. Other guys she has dated seemed to end up being stalkers, or just plain worthless. She is super intelligent, talented, artistic, responsible, sensible, healthy, fit, and beautiful. Not sure why she went for fuck-ups so much. I am focused on my career and on my band most of the time. I see her on friday - sunday. We talk on the phone for short spurts every single day at roughly around the same times. Because she is a single mother, I am all for making sure that she has enough time (without me) with her daughter during the week. We don't want to confuse the child. However, that child really likes me a lot, so that's pretty comforting.
I tend to think that because I am not someone she needs to "fix", she is a bit thrown back. She no longer feels like she is the support in the relationship. She has never giving me any grief, or hard time about anything I wanted to do. We respect each other's individuality so much that we almost seem like we are putting on a show for each other. Im pretty happy with her right now. She has been a sweetheart. My only problem is that I want so much to hear her blurt out her true feelings for me sometime. I can talk all day. I have that ability to be able to unload my thoughts on someone who will listed. I have heard her say "i miss you", but Im in this relationship because I want to one day marry this woman and give her more cute babies. It's only been 3 months, so I will utilize my skills in patience and see how I feel in another 3 months.
thanks y'all.
clint
A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (3 April 2007):
 sounds like she has intimacy issues?she seems to be very afraid of being used by a man.perhaps her ex treated her badly and used her.do you have any idea why they finished?
if things get really confusing why dont you write her a simple note.tell her youll give her space.if you dissapear for a while without telling her she may read too much into this and think you are giving her the brushoff.at least tell her youll give her space and youll take things as slowly as she wants to.if you are independent and have your own life ie home job etc.then this in basic terms says you dont need her for those type of things.you just want her in your life because she can make you feel a whole lot happier and that is all you want to do for her in return.
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A
male
reader, countrculture +, writes (3 April 2007):
The only advice I can think to give is just don't call her for awhile, almost seem to forget about her, then she'll call you and say something like, "yeah, sorry, I've been meaning to get ahold of you but I've been crazy busy." Be sure to actually be busy though so you're not lying and look like an ass. If you can show her that you can go off and do your own thing and don't need her, maybe that will help.
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