A
female
age
30-35,
*icole19
writes:Ive been with a guy for 9 months!! its been amazing the first 2 months.. but then weve started fighting over the stupidest things. the past!! we both had a really hard time getting over the drug use(his more then mine) and sexually past(mine more then his)Im a really really jealous person and i dont feel like im good enough for him.im so scared that hell find someone better then me, so scared that ive scared away all his friends that were girls. How do i break this insane jealously?
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female
reader, CandyCakes +, writes (17 March 2009):
Jealousy is a big old trap. I'm pretty jealous, but then again so is my boyfriend.
I think with girls, a lot of jealousy comes from really loving a boy. If you love someone, you never ever want to lose them and it scares you that they might find someone better. You think they might find someone better because pretty much every single girl feels inadequate thanks to mass media.
What you need is to sit down and have a huge long talk with him. Talk about how his drug use makes you feel and how your sex life makes him feel. If he worries about your past sex life, it's probably because he's feeling a little inadequate too. Tell him you are committed to him and that you hope he is too.
There's nothing wrong with fighting. My boyfriend and I don't fight per se, but we argue a lot because I have tender sensibilities (I feel worthless very easily and am easily hurt emotionally even by accident due to being emotionally abused as a child.)
The only way to stop fighting is to talk it over! Once you understand each other, you'll FIGHT a lot less (but you might still have little arguments, that's normal!)
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Jealousy can be an all-consuming and very damaging emotion. I went through a phase of being very jealous, I found that understanding the biological reasons for jealousy helped me put things in perspective. There is a great book about this, I can highly recommend it:
http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Passion-David-M-Buss/dp/0747553602/
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