A
male
age
30-35,
*andak
writes:To cut a long story short, I've completely and utterly fallen for a girl during my first term at University. I am led to believe that my feelings are reciprocated - we've had wonderful times together doing things that match our many common interests. I am sure that you've all been in love, so I won't bore you with noting down the emotion, but suffice to say that I have utterly melted in her arms, and I'm sure vice versa. All this would be wonderful were it not for the fact that she is still with her boyfriend, with whom she got together with a few months before university. I don't know fully what she's told him, but I am under the impression that he thinks me more as rapist rather than romancer. She alternates cyclically between "Please cease attacking my face with your lips" and "...undo my bra, please...", all the while returning to him afterwards. It's driving me mad. I just want to be with her the whole time, but I'm terrified of asking her to chose - I doubt the answer would be me, and I'd jeopardise future bouts of...positive emotion.How on earth do I ask her to decide, and what can I do to make sure that the answer would be me?
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female
reader, truly_unique  +, writes (30 December 2007):
wel isnt she getting the best of both worlds the little minx.
this is a tough one as she probably like you both very very much but just cant be bothered to decide. But put yourself into her boyfriends shoes for just a minute? if she was your girlfriend how would you feel about her seeing this "rapist" continually? You say you want her to be all yours but shes already shown that you are not enough for her as she has to go back to her boyfriend??
But its love and magic and blah blah blah so maybe you should try asking her why she keeps going back to her boyfriend and then telling her that you will be whatever it is that she needs
good luck
A
male
reader, Landak +, writes (30 December 2007):
Landak is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have not had sex with her, but we have done everything but. I don't think she has a fear of rejection per say; she's terrified of hurting his feelings, even though the situation we're currently in appears to make nobody happy at all. I want to be able to tell her some magic little combination of words that would just remove him from the picture and let us be together. Hah.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): I'm assuming your having sex with her correct? In that case it is obvious that she has a fear of rejection which is why she always runs back to her BF you jut have to convince her that you can be her security blanket and not him!!! Do that and she's yours!
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