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female
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*ovemeplease
writes: how do or can you move forward in a relationship when one has cheated is it healthly to move forward Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): I just don't know anymore.
My boyfriend of 5 years is working abroad - we were getting engaged this month and the other day he rang me in peices. He had "blackout sex" with a total stranger. He can't remember much about it - mostly flashes of images, but it was unprotected. It just isn't him - he is contemplating suicide and came clean to me and keeps begging me for forgiveness. I can't equate that action with the person I love and respect.
The very thing he despises he did. And now I don't know if I can move on.
We have/had an amazingly strong relationship and nothing like this has happened in the past.
He is dying of guilt and shame and I am so angry and hurt right now but I don't want to throw away 5 years of happiness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): Its not easy to move on, my fiance cheated on me with my best friend & supposed bridesmaid! We were together 9 years!
Its not healthy to stay thinking about the past and the what if's... It will take time and a lot of soul searching.. I ended up moving away to a new place, job and made some fantastic new friends, and even met a new guy when I wasn't looking to meet anyone.
It will take a while for you to trust any guy again after something like that happens but don't tar them all as your ex...
If you want to talk to me at any time please feel free to :)
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (28 September 2006):
 Yes you can move forward after someone has cheated but only if you yourself can do it.
Everyone is different therefore we handle and deal with situations differently, you need to work out if you can forgive this, move on from this without letting it control your thoughts and feeling towards this person.
I feel if you love someone enough you can get through anything together with abit of work and committment to the relationship.
I've continued two relationship after they cheated on me and one of them I just couldn't get past or let go of the fact they cheated on me was in every thought I had and hurt like crazy and it effected every bit of our relationship until it pushed it too far and came between us, where as in the other one I managed to get over it and I even forgot it happened to the point sometimes when we ever spoke of something else around the sametime of the cheating I didn't even put the two together anymore.
Good luck :o)
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (28 September 2006):
 How to move forward???? Good question. Willingness to make it work. You have to be willing to forgive, I mean really forgive, not just saying that you forgive. You have to know that you love that person and that person loves you. You have to know if this is worth it. I can be very healthy to move forward, because sometimes it takes something like this to let you know how much you love a person and if your relationship is strong enough to make it through. And just cause someone cheats doesn't mean that person doesn't love you, it means there could have been something missing or just a case of validation. Meaning, to find out if they still got it. The first step is to take time apart and realize all the things listed above. I just came out of a relationship were I cheated and it broke us up and she isn't willing to make it work. This doesn't mean your situation is lost, because some relatioships do survive after infidelity. You must keep in mind that a moment of weakness shouldn't determine justify your whole relationship. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
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