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How can someone so into sex go completely cold like the way my partner has?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 February 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Partner not interested in sex. At first he was all over me, told me I was beautiful, kissed me, hugged me wanted have sex often. I was always up for whatever he suggested. I'm not sure what happened but he stopped being interested and now its down to 'come on let's get on with it' a couple times a week. It makes me feel sad and I've tried talking to him about it but he refused to discuss it. He stopped telling me I'm beautiful and pushes me away when I go to kiss or hug him. I cry writing this. We have been together a year and I found out I'm pregnant with our first baby. He was so happy when he found out but still things stay the same he says it will change after the baby is born but I don't believe him. How can.someone so into sex go completely cold like that. I try to ask him but he just doesn't reply I've heard stories that in his past he was a cassanova, a ladies man but I can't believe it because he is so opposite with me. I feel like.something went wrong but he denies it I love him and told him how I feel sometimes he tries to make an effort but doesn't keep it up. I tell him he is gorgeous and I show him love but he seems to hate it. He has been abused in life physically and mentally but won't say if this is why. I dont know what to do.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (12 February 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntRight!!! YOU put out for him and got knocked up.... and HE "decided" that he doesn't have to be so "lovey-dovey" anymore.... Do you know WHY????? Because having you with child means that HE will have to man-up and behave like a MAN (which HE is incapable of doing!!!!).....

Your "Cassanova" is feeling the weight of responsiblity, and he's not carrying it very well....

Decide if you want to spend you life with this man-child, OR... if you'd like the father of this and future children to be ADULT.... When you make THAT choice, the "answer" to this question will become obvious.....

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A male reader, Honest Answer United States +, writes (12 February 2012):

Honest Answer agony auntHas there been any other significant changes in his life other than the baby on the way? How are you two doing financially? I am not a doctor, but it could be depression. Ask his family if they have noticed any changes.

What even you do, don't give up.

Good Luck!

Jeff

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012):

Something did go wrong but it has nothing to do with you. Both physical and mental abuse can have devastating, far reaching consequences. And that could be what is `wrong` with your partner. The stories of his days as a Casanova are probably quite correct but i have a suspicion once things started to become more intimate with any given woman, he withdrew and became distant. Just as he is doing with you. Pushing for more intimacy with him right now, might only serve to drive him further away.

It is a shame he is unable to talk to you about things but i would recommend you delicately seek more information about his abuse and then do some research. It might help you to understand him a lot better and lead to a resolution. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012):

I think the clue is in the fact you are pregnant, that seems to be the only major change that could have affected him.

Some men view their partner differently when they are carrying a baby, and also after the birth, its worth trying to find out from him if this is why he's cooled off.

It could also be the honeymoon periods over, doesn't mean he loves you less,just the initial lust has evened out. You have only been together a year and already your carrying his baby, so its alot of changes for both of you.

I would be patient, talk to him again,he has to consider you and the pregnancy - not just himself.

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