A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing someone off and on for almost a year. We get along great most of the time, except when it comes to whether we are "in a relationship, BF/GF or not", etc; and we decided several months ago that we were not BF/GF, just not a good match. We still continued doing the casual thing, monogamously. He recently told me that he is going to start being too busy to continue "the relationship" (that we are supposedly not having). The problem is: He enjoys oral sex from me, he keeps saying he doesn't plan on dating anyone else; that his penis is only for me, and he asks me over to perform all the time. He is not always obvious about it, kind of manipulative. I've tried being coy, and I have gone over, I just don't know what that means: for someone to say they are only with you, but then they aren't? Any thoughts appreciated
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Hello,
I am glad that you are ending things. You deserve more respect than he is giving you. You're just convenient and he is too selfish to see that it's not working for you.
So very glad you are moving on. All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@dearkelja: He used to do those things; and yes, I think he is being selfish now. I just could never imagine someone would want to keep you around, hanging by a thread, texting you all the time, acting like "a relationship", for many months now, if that was the only reason why. However, I suspect, it is. And I am the one who has the right to boundaries, and ending this. Thank you for your kind response.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@dearkelja: He used to do those things; and yes, I think he is being selfish now. I just could never imagine someone would want to keep you around, hanging by a thread, texting you all the time, acting like "a relationship", for many months now, if that was the only reason why. However, I suspect, it is. And I am the one who has the right to boundaries, and ending this. Thank you for your kind response.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (27 March 2012):
My personal opinion is that he is using you for oral sex. Does he give you any sexual pleasure? Does he give you anything at all like cooking dinner, taking you out or rubbing your feet or is the relationship all about filling his needs. Ask yourself if he is being selfish.
Your gut tells you something is wrong with this "relationship" which led you to this site to seek our advice. My advice is to find someone who does want the same things out of a relationship that you do. Someone who isn't afraid to give and be in a "relationship."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): He's basically saying he wants to be exclusive friends-with-benefits. That means that yes he does want to be exclusive as far as what you two are doing, and not be sleeping with anyone else (and he could be perfectly trustworthy as far as monogamy) but he just doesn't want it to be that emotionally committed with all the expectations and obligations that a "real" relationship carries.
ask yourself what do you want from this relationship: do you want there to be more commitment like possibly leading to marriage in the future? Or are you content with having fun with him without the commitment? if you're not OK with this, but that's what he wants, maybe it's time to decide if you should move on...?
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