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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello- I'll apologise in advance as this is pretty long.Is there any way to make my folks more "in love" and behave like a married couple.My folks have been married for 30 years and they do love and care for eachother, but they are in no way affectionate with one another. I'm 22 and I've never seen them hug or kiss each other.They are old school so they don't show that kind of affection. However I've seen other parents, same age if not married for more years holding hands, and spend quality time ALONE TOGETHER...To be honest, I hope I don't sound rude I don't even think they've even been intimate or sexual with eachother since I was the last born... They don't show that love and to be honest it makes me sad and I envy my friends folks as I see how in love and "ALIVE" they are with eachother even after all those years together. I'm the only sibbling left at home and I want to move out. Now if THEY WERE others parents I know they have eachother and they can enjoy themselves alone again since they don't have any kids around...(Don't most married couples once all the kids have left the nest feel free to be alone and be adventurous with each other again?)It's almost as if when the kids came along their romance went out the window and it's kids to educate, and forget about themselves, and it breaks my heart that they don't go out together.My mom has even admitted to being embarrased by my dad as when he was younger he was "the funny guy", "the clown of the group" and to make others laugh he'd make a fool of himself but it was all in the name of fun...My folks are very attractive looking and very finacially stable but I don't see or feel that they are physically attracted to one another anymore. How can that be? They have respect for one another, but at the same time very cold in certain aspects, Never seen them kiss, when they go to sleep the one is already sleeping before the other gets to bed and I've never heard them say they love each other, mind you when we were kids we never heard them say it to us either. I've encouraged them to go away together and I think it might work, but even when they go somewhere they look like strangers one walks faster than the other-APART.I'm worried about them, and as their youngest son, is their a way I can help them rediscover their love for one another, because the more I think about the more concerned i get.What can I do? Or is there something going on that I'm too afraid to see?All comments will be appreciated.Thank you for reading Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (20 April 2006):
Oh dear - you see, the things is, you can't do anything. They are adults, living their lives the way that they want to. You are their child, and despite now being "grown up" to them you are very young, and your child.
We can all see lots of problems in our parents lives, and at some point all of us start to act like the parent and our parents act like the child. But they have to live their own lives.
All you can do is to live your own life - find your own relationship and enjoy it the way that you wish your parents enjoyed theirs. You can only influence yourself, not your parents.
We all want to change our parents, but part of growing up is knowing that we can't.
Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): i suggest you talk to them on their own and say what you are feeling about them not being loving to each other and maybe suggest a compromise. They would want to know what their son is feeling. Even if you can get them to hold hands then that will be a start. I wish you luck.
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