A
female
age
36-40,
*antasyJ5
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together since March. We were together for 6 months 1 1/2 yrs before that, but he got scared and broke up with me. We now live together and have talked about marriage but he goes back and forth about whether he wants to or not. Lately he says he doesnt know if he wants to but then he changes his mind and says he does. He feels like he would lose all his freedom (he doesnt want to go out with other girls but just the freedom to go out when he wants, which when does want to do he does, so I dont see how he doesnt have any freedom) and that marriages never work. He already has a kid so the freedom of doing what he wants, when he wants kinda went out the window with that. He had a very rough life so when it comes to relationships he has a hard time being optimistic. His mom has been in several bad marriages and some of his friends got married to young and they havent worked. He hasnt really seen a lot of good marriages. He says I make him happy and doesnt want to lose me. He also says that he feels like marriage is the right thing to do but he doesnt know if he can do it. I've stuck by him through everything and I think he's scared to make a commitment that lasts forever. I dont want him to feel forced into it, but how can I show him that marriage isnt bad? That can enhance the relationship. How can I show that it's OK be scared about it but as long as we communicate about what our problems are we can work through anything
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (7 November 2009):
 I think it would be best for you to respect his feelings and not push the issue. A marriage will only work when both people are on the same page and it is something both partners want. Think about it: a man who is "convinced" into a marriage he's not ready for will not make a good husband. The two of you are already having communication issues if your boyfriend has told you he's not ready for marriage and you're choosing not to hear him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): as him to tell you what he thinks will be bad in detail and work through it all.Compromise is the magic word here. Show him that he can still be at the pub with his buddys watching sport and he will be ok.All the best
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