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female
,
anonymous
writes: Aaah! My best friend moved to Spain a year ago and has just announced she is getting married to a guy she has met. He is of a different religion to her and not from the EU. I am worried he needs a visa or is using her some other way. I get the feeling he doesn't work and lives in her apartment for free. Really concerned she is making a mistake, and I believe deep down she feels something isn't right as she won't tell her parents. How can I make her seriously think about this without being pushy? She is 23.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): Dont just think about your friend, what about the good of the nation? There are enough immigrants taking free stuff on the tax payer's expense. If you think there's something not right, try discuss it with your friend.
This guy may be genuine but most immigrants I know of aren't. I have a feeling this guy just wants a visa or is just looking for an easy way out of his dead beat loser country
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (14 June 2006):
 you can't she has too find out for herself
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 June 2006):
 I married someone from a non-eu country, he is younger than me - everyone said I shouldn't because he was living in my apartment for free, didnt have my educational/financial security and everyone said he must be after a visa as he couldn't work at the time when we met (he was a language student back then). However, a couple of years later we are happily married, he is getting his education, working and contributing to the financial household - he has his visa so he could have run away if he wanted to and I had to go to his country to get the marriage blessed in his church. My family still won't speak to me over this marriage, but I know that sometimes you just have to give someone a chance. Sure there are people out there just looking for visas etc but I had to fight for over a year and a half with the British Government to get him a visa to be here and go to court armed with a barrister to wrestle the paperwork out of the home office. My point is that the marriage for a visa thing just isn't as straightforward as it may appear. Dont judge your friend - this man maybe taking her for a ride, but he may not and it is her judgement call at the end of the day.
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (14 June 2006):
 You can talk to her but I wouldn't jump in with your suspicions as that may push her away. Love makes people do funny things and in the heat people can't always see what others can, nor do they want to. Just gently bring up the subject about how they met, what he's like, what she loves, how he treats her, what their plans are etc and see where it leads you. I believe good friends should be able to tell each other anything, so I think you know her well enough to voice your concerns, but should she choose to continue with the relationship, all you can do is support her decision and be there if and when she needs you. As her friend that's all you can do because ultimately it's her life, her decision and possibly her mistake. You can rest knowing you did what you thought best and better to do that now, than watch it fall apart and then voice your opinion! But bite your tongue on any 'told you so' ! Good luck.
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