A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidsI have a very frustrating relationship with my current "friend with benefits"I like this man, and want a real relationship with him, however he tells me that he won't let anyone in and won't trust anyone because he's been hurt too many times. I respect this and want to take things slow so i can really earn his trust at some point. Problem is though he won't make any effort to make what we have any more than "friends with benefits". I see this as him taking advantage of me but he protests that this is not the case. I believe him but the current situation tends to conflict with this.We recently had a conversation about meeting eachother's needs in what we have and he tells me he needs physical attention because he has never had it. So myself, being one who finds physical contact of any kind difficult, but i know it's what he needs so i put the effort it and i'm always cuddling him, holding his hand and whatever...but he never gives it back. This is extremely frustrating.I know he likes me but i don't know if he cares about me because he doesn't show it. He never talks about anything to anybody so i can't even get information out of my friends.I understand he is a very confused man and has real trust issues but what can i do to fight for a relationship and allow him to see i'm worth trusting and that i'm not like any of his previous relationships.I want us to have a real relationship. I've told him what i want already but he's very non-respondent and won't tell me what he thinks.Please don't tell me this man isn't worth my troubles. he's a dear friend and I really want him to be able to trust me because i care about him so much as someone i love as both a friend ann a partner. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Of course he is going to tell you he is not taking advantge of you, because surely if he did say he was you would not want to see him anymore, everyone has sexual needs but some not the need to have a serious relationship for what ever reason.
If you want more and he is not prepared to give you more than you need to seriously consider what you want to do because you are investing your time and feeling into a relationship that is not going to happen so it might be wise to find someone that does want more.
Take care.x.x
A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Think why you are "friends with benefits".Probably hes got some emotional problems."he won't let anyone in and won't trust anyone because he's been hurt too many times".When such people enter a new relationship before complete recovery, it's like you say.You need to be more patient, because the time is on your side.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): First off, friends with benefits is NEVER a good thing for us girls and I will tell you why, we become emotionally bonded after sex with a man, where a man does not always, he can easily seperate his feelings from sex.
I am not buying that he is so damaged from trust issues that he cannot let anyone in....you let him in, you are having sexual relations with him, and that may actually be his sole agenda here, a steady f........Seriously, think about this, he is a guy....and you are giving him sex without strings, this is a guy's wet dream.....if you want more, then you have gone about this in all the wrong way...he now knows that you will settle, and that you will easily give yourself away to any man. Game over.
If you want to turn things around, then you need to stop the benefits, seriously, stop them now....and get on with living a life that does not include him, if he wants you back then rearrange the boundaries of this relationship....all relationships are negotiated whether you realize it or not, you have to set boundaries as to what you will accept and what you will not...if you are ready for a proper exclusive relationship with this man, then take nothing less than that form of committment form him to take him back into your life....if he does not step up, then you are better off knowing this, and being free of this friends with benefits bs so you can open your heart to someone who is ready to love you.
...............................
|
