A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,can any one help me.Early last year i came out of a 10 yr relationship which i have a six yr old daughter from.The last few yrs my ex was quite abusive,so i had to bind my time to get out of.I have a good relationship with my ex now,and he is more of a father than he ever was before.6 mths after the split i met someone else.He is 40yrs old 2 yrs older than me.When i first met him he told me he has never been in love,although he has been married.I likesd this because i didn't want to be in love again so soon after the split,and felt it would only complicate things.7mths on he is perfect in every way,he is kind,sensitve and the sex is out of this world.I think he is falling in love with me,which wasn't part of the deal.He knows the score with me and is fine with that.You may think where is the problem?Well the problem is i have fallen for someone else who is not at all suitable.He is 25,13yrs younger than me.We have met up but i haven't taken it any further than that,but i want too.He reminds me of when i was 25 and i think thats why i'm attracted to him,i feel my youth has gone and when i chat to this other guy on line about what clubs hes been to at the weekend i want that too.He does drugs which is what i used to do.I know i have absolutely no future with him,so why can't i get him out of my head.He would love a relationship with me too,which makes me feel flattered.How can i get this young guy out of my head and concentrate on the older guy who gives me everything i want and more?
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I am proud of you! This time to refocus will be good and I think you will eventually come to find someone who can share your life with you. Excellent!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there,firstly let me say i would never put my daughters happiness 2nd to my own.I have deleted this younger man from my network.Unfortunaetly it hasn't really helped.I still think of him often.I have told him when he sorts himself out to contact me,and see where i'm at.I feel i'm not in a position to see anyone seriously,and have decided to give my daughter all my love and attention.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (10 May 2009):
Hi there,
I think you know yourself fairly well which is actually very good. I also think you are being very honest with yourself about the potential and future of the "go nowhere" relationship. I am not so concerned about the age but the significance here is that this young man (to differentiate him from the other man) has behavior which isn't conducive to a single mother. If he was at the same place as you, matured a bit and ready to settle down the age wouldn't be a concern. However, I think you are attracted to the lifestyle of drugs and partying, not the man. Which you so correctly put...reliving your youth.
Sometimes people get afraid to "fall in love" so they pick wrong choices to prevent themselves from falling. I am not sure that is what you are doing but I think you need to consider that you have responsibility and parental obligations right now. If you didn't have a child I'd say...go out party like it's 1994.
Let's fast forward...you go with this youngin and you have a blast. You get so high you forget to pick up your daughter, or to feed her or to go to her school play. She forgives you, but things keep happening. Eventually the ex gets concerned and all of the sudden you are not fit to be a mom. Believe me, I hear you on the fading youth thing but I think you should focus on being good to yourself and surrounding yourself with people who will be good to you.
Please do yourself a favor (and your daughter) and be good to yourself.
Take care.
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